A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After rewriting this 5 times I've just decided to be blunt. I'm feeling really down. It's been gradually progressing for a while now, starting off when I lost my nan 4 years ago. I was really close to her and I was devastated but I've never been able to properly grieve for her, I don't know why I just dont register my emotions very well. I know what I should be feeling but I constantly feel numb. In the four years that's passed I've had to deal with the constant break down of my parents relationship, getting back together and splitting and then getting back together again. My grandad ending up in a carehome with advanced dementia after a series of strokes. He no longer knows who anyone is,not even his own brother and sons. I've had to deal with a terrible long term relationship that ended only four months ago and has left me unable to trust men, my confidence is destroyed and I'm in debt. In the four months I have also had to watch my other grandad start to lose his long battle with the cancer that has come back, which is now terminal and has progressed into his spine. I can only hope he lasts until Christmas. My whole family is taking this news badly as expected and arguments are starting to break out all the while I try and stay strong for my mum and sister. I feel so burdened with everything, I cant escape. I feel so stupid for saying all this, I know there are lots of people out there with far more worrying problems than my own.I just feel like for four years I have had a constant battle, I can't remember the last time I felt truly happy. I would really love to hear some advice from people who have maybe gone through this before. Any helpful suggestions would be welcome. Please try and spare me any mean comments, I'm really not up to hearing any of that right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your kind and wise words. I'm trying to take it step by step and I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor. I suppose my job doesn't help either as I work night shifts in a dementia care home, lack of sleep and constant death doesn't make the most happy of jobs. But at least I have the skills and knowledge to look after my grandad who will need palative care in the very near future, which strangely brings me some comfort.
You've all given me some confidance and a bit of a push to seek help from my doctor and not feeling silly to ask for it. As horrible as this feels I'm glad I'm not alone. X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I hope you find help with all of this. I think your amazing to be honest and many would have crumbled under all you are coping with.
You will get through all this with professional help and you will find contentment again.
Some great advice on here, try and look forward to a little something every week, no matter how awful things are just now,life goes on and thats how your Grandparents would see it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Wow, I feel EXACTLY the same right now! I'm 20 and my gran recently died at the age of 91 after having dementia for six years- it was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever had to go through as me and her were so close before she got ill. On top of this, there is an on-going family feud between my dad and his brother's family, concerning my gran's will. My dad suffers from depression and I'm very worried about him. My step- grandad also died of skin cancer a few years ago so I know exactly what that feels like. I am also in quite a bit of debt due to university fees and a job that pays nowhere near enough; as a result I am having to cut down on a lot of social activity which is making me feel pretty lonely- this combined with the fact that I recently had a relationship end, too. What's keeping me going is making plans for the future, staying on top of my work to keep my mind busy, not leaving it until the last minute so that I don't get too stressed. Just keep telling yourself that things WILL get better- you're only young, life has it's ups and downs. As harsh as it sounds, people die, but people get over it. Relationships end, but that gives way to new ones. At the end of the day you are always going to have people who love you and I PROMISE, although you're going through a hard time right now, things WILL get better, however long it takes. There is light at the end of the tunnel :)Hope I helped!!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Some links to read later when you feel up to doing so.
http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.htm
grief and loss – which can lead to depression
http://helpguide.org/topics/grief.htm
relationships
http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm
Improving mind body and spirit
http://helpguide.org/topics/mind_body.htm
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 November 2011):
First and foremost you make an appointment with your Doctor and explain the huge amount of pressure you have been under. This is way too much pressure to cope with alone and I would not be surprised if the Doctor suggested some grief counselling or more to help you adjust your life to this avalanche of pressures.
Grief can be much worse when it is cumulative. Which is what it sounds like. One thing happens and before you can overcome that you find you are facing more again.
Do not blame yourself if you are finding it overwhelming.
Any person, even the strongest of the strong, will still buckly ender such an onslaught of big pressures and grief that you have been subjected to.
I may well be able to suggest a few things to help you feel good. But none will I suggest until you have had the long talk with the Doctor.
You are NOT stupid for saying these things. You are a normal person under far too much pressure.
And it is far too early for you to find this useful. But once you are getting the support you DO deserve then this may help.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
And the second one is more about coping with grief - which you are coping with - grief. So I hope you find the secnd one useful a little bit.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/coping-with-bereavement-of-losing-your-love-to.html
Because not all of the above applies to your own specific situation. I only enclose it because there is little dount that you are facing some very sad family grief.
Once you have seen the Doctor then the Doctor will decide what will best help you. Though the Doctor will work with you and listen to you, to ensure that any suggestions are appropriate for you.
If possible I can recommend Positive Affirmations to remind you every day and every morning that you do deserve some GOOD support and some Better experiences in the future. There is help out there.
Try to reduce your reliance on any people who are negative and "woe is me" or have a "give up" attitude. Or claim that "nothing will change". Because none of that is true.
Any small changes you can make (with good support) for the better will improve things - little by little. People do overcome these life challenges. But they don't try to do it alone.
Get some good support from people who are the experts at understanding your pressures and know how to bring that pressure down a little to ensure your life starts to improve.
Do try to get enough sleep,
Do try to eat choices that are in the best interests of your Good health.
The weather may not be the best but pursue opportunities to get some exercise.
Feeling overwhelmed like this is like being in the middle of a ocean with the waves getting higher. However no Peak in a wave lasts forever. But that also means that no Deep Deep ravine in a wave lasts forever. The peaks will return and with more frequency. And the ravines will start to get less deep, with time.
And it does NOT matter if other have more pressures. These are YOUR current pressures and they are affecting you and you need support and kindness and help to get through them. Never Blame you. It is not your fault that you are facing this.
My good thoughts are with you. Did you know that one in four people will at some stage in their life need to seek the support of a professional to get through exactly the types of pressures you are facing. And they DO get better and life does get better with GOOD support. The support is out there so please reach out for it.
I'll post some links that may help too.
Best wishes
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