A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:The honeymoon period is over. He used to buy flowers every week, that stopped about three months ago. Our sex life has gone down from being sizzling hot. He always had erectile dysfunction but it was helped by the newness of the relationship and supported with Cialis. Then he moved to porn which upset me so I think he has stopped. Now he feels inadequate he says and is either avoiding me or being a bit lazy, not sure which. I think he could still satisfy me but he doesn’t seem to want to bother. He still says he loves me and that I should just relax back and enjoy myself. I still feel a bit worried about it though. I love the closeness that a physical relationship encourages and feel bad that I seem to have agreed to give up a lot of it by default because of his feelings about himself. It worries me enormously. I think I may even consider suggesting a bit of erotica if that is the stark choice. It makes me sad that I may not be able to have the “Phroar” kind of sex with the bloke I love. Others do, I am so sad about it. How do other people deal with this? I have been though a lot with him including depression and divorce. He is no longer suicidal but still sad about the end of his marriage. I am finding it hard to be relaxed and easy. I think I need to care a bit less and worry less too but each time I send a message with ILY at the end and he doesn’t send that back, just kisses or something I feel paranoid. Which is a bit sad isn’t it? Is it normal? I would love to hear other people’s experiences about the end of the honeymoon period, depression or erectile dysfunction. Actually when you think about it, I have coped with quite a lot. I hope he appreciates that because I do intend to stick with him. I have to keep concentrating on bolstering myself up and not being needy, which I hate, but I feel a bit tired and worried at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Gina
He has several problems which related to the dysfunction.
1 High blood pressure and cholesterol – I already know that erectile dysfunction is an early sign of clogging of the veins and arteries.
2 He gets an erection but it goes soft even when he masturbates - he noticed that starting before his marriage ended so I know it has a physiological cause but.
3 He drinks too much, is depressed and overweight which must contribute.
I will stick by him although you know people with depression can be quite cruel and sometimes and I have to grit my teeth. Because he thinks little of himself he can be nasty to me. Otherwise he mostly brilliant and I love him very much.
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