A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met this married man who made me fall in love with him with his good heart, wits and charm. The empathy that I initially felt for him when he started confiding about his sexless marriage has turned into a deep friendship (myself having had experienced a sexless marriage for years) and eventually into an affair. An incident which happened more than 15 years ago (which neither him or his wife is responsible for) has left his wife psychologically wounded, resulting to the latter's fear of sex. Various attempts at Professional counselings failed.I met the wife and found her to be a wonderful person. It is easy to understand why the husband did not leave her despite his struggles with the sexless marriage. She is a good person and a very devoted mother to their children.Unnoticed, I have observed them together,and can easily tell that no sexual relationship exists between them. I do love the man sincerely and can wholeheartedly say that he loves me back (I wish he didn't so it would be less complicated!). I can honestly say that I have become a better person because of who he is and of what I feel for him. I do not think though that I will find peace again in my heart if they divorce because of me (although I am not sure they will). But I am struggling too with the thought that I am not with him, plus the guilt of being the other woman.What can I do? We both tried to break off the affair for so many times but to no avail. I really want to be strong and end the affair but I am finding it very difficult. Not a single soul knows about this affair of almost 2 years. I want my sanity, focus and peace of mind back. Anyone out there who can help me?
View related questions:
affair, divorce, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies, specially the suggestion of one year cool off period. You are right, probably I am just too wary to walk out because my life has revolved around him. I am free to see other men and explore the world out there, so I guess I am agonizing more than him - who has to live a double life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): well if he is not going to ever leave his marriage, then there is nothing for you to do except (a) walk away from him once and for all (b) continue on in your present state of anxiety and unrest.have you tried individual counseling for yourself to help you get over him and be strong enough to walk away from him? time heals all wounds...is he doing any 'thinking' about this as you are, or is he perfectly happy coasting along in both his marriage with her and his affair with you and you are the only one in agony? Are you the only one who is trying to 'resolve' this situation while he is content to just let it be forever?Has he thought about the meaning of marriage? does he have to be married to her in order to be a co-parent or supporter of her in other areas of her life? Do you really want him that badly, or do you just want him because he is all you have right now or have had for a long time so he has become your world? He is not the only one out there, you know...What if you and him agree to take a "break" from your affair for say one year. During this year you are not to contact each other at all and you are both free to see other people - well he shouldn't be seeing other women at all because he's still married! but you are allowed to see other men because hey, he is married so he hasn't made any commitment to you so you don't owe him any commitment. Agree that in one year's time you will get back in contact and re-evaluate your affair relationship. You can still resume it then if you both want to.Who knows maybe in that one year the security of knowing you can still resume a relationship with him will give you strength to go for an extended period of time without him during which time you may actually find yourself not needing or wanting him as much after all....maybe you will even find that you meet someone new who is single and available.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Well, I assume you are not married.
His wife has a "fear of sex", and I assume you know for certain that she does not want sex in her marriage.
If this is true, perhaps this is one of those times when two people can honestly share one person securely. That is extraordinarily rare in my opinion. Perhaps, maybe you should talk to the other woman and find out more from her about her marriage before you continue with him.
Maybe you don't know as much as you think you know.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Who are you spending Christmas with? If you continue this you are going to end up lonely, I'm willing to bet you are that already. You know yourself that there is no future is in this, you are strong enough to do this, do it for you.
...............................
|
