A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really quite like this married bi girl. She's on my course so avoiding her for the next three years is going to be slightly impossible. She reminds me of the girl I fell for in college and looks identical to her. The bi girl in college constantly had boyfriends though, all of whom I thought were tossers, and I doubt she ever liked me back anyway, therefore it was easy to resist her. Yet because she could have done better in the boyfriend department, I wouldn't have hesitated had she felt the same. My morals aren't as black and white as the average joe. Yet this girl, is with the nicest guy. I really like him, he's even cutting my hair next week for the price of a drink. And they're perfect together. If I knew both of them and they weren't together, and she was straight, I would try and get them together. Plus they're not just together, they're full on married, even though they're barely a year older than me. I rather like this other girl with a girlfriend, and suprisingly everyone's like go for it, you can change that. Yet with this girl being married it's like, don't even go there. Fair enough. Did it before, can do it again, plus the husband's a nice guy. makes it easier. Problem is she likes me. Usually I can never tell if a girl likes me or not, I only wish single girls would make it this obvious for me. I'd be happy just being friends with her, and him, even with me liking her, and her liking me, even with her being all touchy feely with me and nobody else, all fine. But tonight she waited till we were all alone in the toilets, told me she found me ridiculously cute and tried to kiss me, I turned a bit and she got my cheek. I think she was expecting me to reciprocate but I just put my hands on her waist and said we should go find her husband. I just don't know how I'm going to resist her next time. If she was married to a tosser I wouldn't hesitate. I grew up with affairs, my morals aren't generic or universal. I look at them, and I see something rare and beautiful, a couple that has actually got it right, good people, happy together, something that works and is meant to be, I couldn't bring myself to destroy that. Yet she's admitted to me infront of him that she prefers girls a lot more, and has cheated on him with another girl once before. She's joined the lgbt society when all they do is go to the gay clubs and bars in the city. And I have just noticed all the girls she has befriended so far look like they could be lesbians, although amazingly they're all straight. It kind of seems like she's looking to have an affair. In which case, I'm wondering if her and her husband might have some sort of open relationship or agreement or something. Other than that I really don't want to come between them. But I so very nearly kissed her back tonight. They're fun, I like them, I like being with them, how can I tell her to back off nicely without offending her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, who screwed you over so badly? You reek of bitterness. You are aware of what schizophrenia is aren't you? that made absolutely no sense.
How can you assume I make a point of going after girls in relationships? When I went up to this girl, I thought the guy who she was with was her gay best friend or something, not her husband. I am not pursuing anything with her, did you READ my question??? I have no idea where you got the idea that I want her to leave her husband and live happily ever after with me from. Seriously man? what do you take me for? I can see they're meant for each other, but I can see she craves a woman, All I want to know is how her husband feels about that. perhaps they're more open and liberal than you. If that is the case, And ONLY if that is the case, then I'm more than happy to satisfy urges, who said anything about running off into any sunsets?! I apologise for not being as generic and disney as you then. You're probably too traditional and mainstream to understand the varying capacities of modern day relationships. Other than that, my question was how can I tell her to back down a bit, because I do not want to help her cheat on her husband.
If somebody cheated on you, maybe you should look at what you were doing wrong, instead of being a bitter narrow minded presumptuous judgemental old git about everybody else's situation.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (10 October 2011):
 You definately dont want to get involved in this situation! Their realtionship sounds far from perfect but that is their issue and the last thing you want is to get into the middle of it.
If i was you i would simply tell her that as much as you like her as a friend, she is a married girl and you respect that and only want to be friends with her if she understands this and can respect it.
If she carrys on making it clear she likes you or flirting then maybe you should not ignore her but spend less time with her to remove yourself from a difficult situation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Wow. How very schizophrenic.
Look, I don't care if you like going after women in relationships. It's not on. You find out they are taken, you back off and keep it platonic and if you have feeling, then you cut the couple out of your life completely. It's the only real way.
You know you and she cannot be trusted in each other's company. So you back off. You sit apart from her in class and you give her only as much attention as is required during, and you have absolutely no contact outside of school. None.
If you find out she's cheating, you expose her. You get proof and send it anonymously to her husband and let them sort things out themselves.
And then you take a good look at yourself and try and figure out why you feel the need to go all L WORD and set yourself up for hurt by going after someone who's taken (they will NEVER leave their spouses for you, never. You will NEVER be the one they go home to. You'll always be the one who is used and discarded at will) rather than taking real risks and finding someone who isn't.
You know enough to know cheating is wrong, both morally and ethically. Now it's high time you learned to trully understand that.
Flynn 24
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