A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend ill call him ( a ) and we are friends with benefits but now ive met someone else call him ( b ) and we plan on having a relationship once hes back from his family holiday (no wife no kids hes single) How do i tell (a) friend with benefits that ive found someone else(b) and plan on having a relationship with (b) so can no longer sleep with (a) . I dont want to hurt his feelings but we knew this day would come
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): Obviously the OP has a heart. Everybody here is a bit cold about how to end it.Sex between FWB is rarely just sex and yeah, some feelings will be involved. OP has them. Likely so does the FWB. It doesn't necessarily mean love or deep attachment but some feelings will be there. Just because it's a FWB does not mean they are not human and one of the people in the arrangement isn't feeling bad about hurting the other.It isn't an easy thing to do.You are ending a relationship. And hurting another person in the process. Regardless of whatever rules were set out. They will hurt just the same.I do agree that the truth is your best avenue. It will not be easy but you need to tell your FWB face to face. Let him have all the time he needs from you to process this, ask questions, whatever he needs. He may surprise you and handle it better than you think. Or not. But he is entitled to his feelings. Whatever they are, they are valid.How do you know he did not enter into this "arrangement" because he liked you more? It is possible and you might only find this out when you are ending it.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 thanks for the fun times but Im afraid our FWB arrangement has to come to an end- no explanation needed. That is FWB law
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): He would tell you in a heartbeat if he were in your shoes. If he met someone and fell in love and wanted to being a committed monogamous relationship, he wouldn't think twice.
You are fuck buddies, no emotions involved. Be direct and positive do not make a big deal out of it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 "oh Bob I know we are such good friends that I could not wait to tell you this and I'm sure you will be so happy for me, I've met someone and it's getting serious... so while we are friends, our benefits are going to stop."
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 May 2016):
 That's what FWB is - unattached sex with no feelings involved. Don't worry about hurting A's feelings because your sex life wasn't based in it. Just tell him that you met someone you want to be monogamous with, and wish A well, but the FWB must stop. That's all. He most likely sleeps with other women anyways, so it'll be fine.
I don't need to tell you this, but if you really are wanting a true relationship with B, you need to stop all contact with A as much as possible. There's nothing that will wreck a budding relationship then keeping an old sexual partner around as a "friend". There is no such thing as a platonic friendship with someone who used to be a sex partner. It's a sexual partner with whom the sex has been suspended, so NOT platonic.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 You said it yourself, you knew this day would come and so did he. At the end of the day we all get to a point in life where we want to settle down with someone we care about. You are friends with A but you only have benefits nothing more. You just need to be honest with him, tell him you have met someone and you want to see where it goes. If he is only a FWB then he should be happy for you. If he has feelings for you then he should have told you before now.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Honesty is the best policy - now and for the future.
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