A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some strong words of support, and a little advice about what to do. I'm asking for advice and a vote on which option I should do.My wife and I are married for a few years, and I know about her past, not much of a past but a few boyfriends (3) before we met and started dating. We just bought a house and moved in about 2 months ago. I was going through things and putting them away, and when I went to put some stuff in my wife's nightstand drawer, I found buried in the middle of old greeting cards and wrapping paper a camcorder tape. (This was already in her nightstand drawer). We have a camcorder (it was my wives before we met), now we use a digital video recorder, but we have about 15-20 of those little tapes you put in an adaptor and play in a VHS player. They are all in our entertainment center and labeled. This was was buried in my wife's old cards and wrapping paper, and not labelled. Of course, I was curious and watched it so I could label it, and put it with our other tapes. Boy, was I in for a complete shock!It started with the lens being blocked by someone's body, like they were sitting it on a table or dresser or something. Then I heard my wife's voice say, go sit on the bed so I can aim and set the zoom on the camera. Some guy (I assume it was one of her ex-boyfriends), moved over and sat on the bed, and you could see the camera view being pointed at him. My wife then moved over to the bed and they started kissing. Well, my wife started taking off his clothes. I'm feeling very sick in my stomach by this time, but I can't stop watching it. She eventually has him completely naked, and kissing his chest, well, then she started going down on him. I mean really going to town on his stuff. Ball licking, shaft licking, then taking him in her mouth until the inevitable 'finishing'. I was just blown away (no pun intended).What do I do? 1st, I need to be reassured that this was something in her 'distant' past. There is no time/date on the video, but her hair was a little longer like when we first met, so I'm assuming that it was one of the ex's and before me. Do I? 1). just destroy it and never mention it. Over time I will get the images out of my head.2). Mark it somehow. Put a little piece of paper in the plastic case or something. Put it back and check in a month or so to see if it was moved?3). Confront her about it and see what she says before we 'jointly' destroy (burn) it? I'm sure she'll claim that she totally forgot it was there, but that can also be a lie.4). Set it up in the VCR on one of the 2 days she works later than me, and as she walks in the door hit play so see her reaction?5). Upload it and sell copies on the internet to make some money off her 'bad' behavior? I could call it something like "Married teacher's dirty past, sucks dick and gets a facefull, husband didn't know". I'm sure some dirty scums will buy it.Thanks. -J
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Well, I for 1 don't agree with the posters that say it is up to her to decide what to do with it. You are married, and she has NO right to have something like that around. It is almost as bad as cheating. However, I do think 'buried' is what it was. Something just from her past that was forgotten and meant to be thrown away.
I would either a). just throw it away. It's not like she's going to come asking you about it. or, b). you can mention it to her and say that you're going to destroy it, does she want to help?
Good Luck, it is her past, and don't make a big deal out of it, you knew she had boyfriends before you, but at the same time, she has no right to keep mementos of the past that are so graphic in nature. Just get rid of it either with or without her, and then never ever bring it up again. She's with you now, and only you (if you destroy the tape), so focus on that and build your lives together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Shit, I've just remembered.. thank you dear sir, for jogging my memory. There is one little tape with me and my ex, I haven't thought of it for years. Now I don't know where it is, what am I gonna do. Showers at least she has hers, mine is lost, suppose he puts me up on the internet.. What the hell am I gonna do..... Oh dear....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): "This was was buried in my wife's old cards and wrapping paper, and not labelled."
BURIED, that's the key word, it was not hidden from you, because she has nothing to hide. It was buried and forgotten along with the OLD cards and wrapping paper. It's not in use, she doesn't look at it, I bet she's forgotten it was there. It's in her past, it's like keeping old photographs. It isn't important to her, she stuck it in the unimportant cupboard along with the other forgotten useless things. Forget about it, or tell her you found it, and let her decide what to do with it. You made the choice to keep on looking, you made the choice to watch these images from her past. Now you are jealous, well of course you are. Do you read her old diaries too. These things are best left forgotten in the past where they belong. If you bring it up, then it will be you who resurrects the past, rather than leaving it hidden where it belongs. I bet if you move it, she won't even notice for a couple of years. People who look at secret private things find things they don't like. Forget about it, just like you have forgotten about the old cards. She had sex and made movies, well lucky for you, I bet she gives all the best blowjobs to you. Aren't you a lucky man, there are a lot of women that hate blowjobs, be lucky she has this talent, and now she's saved all her future kisses, just for you.....
Ask her if she would make a sexy video of herself, just for you and never leave her or divorce her, because one day somebody may find a video of her having sex with you. She's yours, she loves you, isn't that enough for you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Your wife had 3 boyfriends before you, and you'd have to be living in cloud cockoo-land not to realise she had sex with at least one of them - and maybe a few more - but the fact remains that this was in her past, ie. the time before she got with you.
Out of your 5 options, I'd go with none of them. I might instead mention that I'd found an unmarked tape in her drawer and ask her which category it belongs to along with the rest of them. Maybe she doesn't want to destroy it, but I certainly wouldn't try to embarass her into doing so with the knowledge that you'd watched it.
You'll work yourself into a jealous frenzy wondering how many dicks she's had in her mouth in the past, but you'd be naive to imagine it was just the one.
What about your past? - videoed or not I bet some of it would make interesting viewing had it been.
The fact is that she's with you now, so you'd better get used to the idea that she has a past - as almost everyone does by the time they get married. The only difference with your wife is that she happened to have a camcorder and recorded one event. Leave it for her to decide what to do with the tape. Just an afterthought, and be honest with yourself - if it was you on the tape, on the receiving end of a blowjob, would you want to get rid of it or would you hide it away somewhere for later private viewing pleasure?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Wow, that was more than you bargained for, like you said you knew she had boyfriends before she met you so that's not a shock to you, I think that two of the things you mentioned doing would not be very nice at all and very childish in my opinion, and they are No 4 and 5, if you want your marriage to work, I would not go down that route, I think the best thing and it is only my opinion would be to tell her the truth, exactly as it happened and then suggest you destroy it together, that way you'll know it has gone forever and also that it didn't mean that much to her she just forgot where she put it, if on the other hand she creates a scene about destroying it I would be asking her some serious questions, marriage is all about taking the rough with the smooth and working things out together as team. Please do not hold it against her forever whatever the outcome of facing her with it I hope you go on to a long and happy marriage.
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