A
female
age
30-35,
*hynessreality
writes:Hi, when I was 13 years old I started dating a guy , he told me he was a christian and that he went to church , so I figured he would be nice.After a few months , he started badmotuhing me and becoming controlling and bullying me.It gradually got worse , to the point where he started hitting me . After a while our relatiosnhip started being on and off . We would split up and get back together again. We decided to try again when I was 15 years old , he was 16 at this point , and almost as soon as wew ere toghether , he started attempting to rape me. The first time he did this , i was in shock and too numb to deal with it. I don't know why I decided to stay with him and didn't leave him , but I stayed with him. He continued doing this to me for a year , and I would fight back and scream , and cry for him to stop but he wouldnt listen. The only way I felt I could deal with this was by cutting myself , as I was too scared of what my family would say , because we are christians, and I was scared they would judge me. I still havent been able to tell anyone I know to this day. When I turned 16 , he managed to rape me. After that I just gave up, and stopped fighting him. When I was nearly 17 , I finally left him after he blatantly cheated on me in public in front of me. It's nearly been a year , and he has attemped to contact me again , but i ignored him.I have been asked out several times by guys form my church , but I am too scared to be in a relationship again , for fear that the same thing might happen again. Can anyone suggest ways that I can get my confidence back, and how to eventually tell my family? Thanks !
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Tell your family, so waht if they're christian, they could have sorted this out a lot sooner if they had known!
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (4 June 2010):
You do need to tell someone that you trust and feel safe with. A close family friend of mine, her family is catholic and her niece married a guy who, it turned out, was abusive sexually and physically. This happened about 10 years ago now, but when she told her family, they were very supportive. The church allowed her to become divorced and years later, she met a lovely sweet guy and as far as I know, they are very happy together.Share your troubling past and I think it will really help you get over what has happened. What happened to you was really bad and you had a bad time, but you deserve happiness too and the sooner you move to work through the past, the sooner you can put it behind you. You will have another relationship, and it will be full of love and happiness, but just take things slowly and carefully. It will all be OK in the end sweetie, have faith x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): I'm not religious, but isn't that like the box room in churches you get, where you confess to a priest?you could do that, surely they wont judge you.if not my advice is talking to your family, your mum maybe first, I'm sure they will understand. this will more than likely give you confidence because they will help you and support you. and as for being scared of being in a relationship again, we all get that, christian or not christian everyone gets hurt by people. I've had 2 previous boyfriends and I have one now. I find it very hard to trust men because I was abused as a child, my first boyfriend emotionally manipulated me and my second lied to me about having cancer and then cheated on me with a guy! My point is, there is always going to be a chance of you getting hurt but you cant let fear rule your life, you need to learn from your past, learn to make it help you grow stronger emotionally. Good luck :)
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