A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I knew before I ever met my husband that I didn't ever want to be anybody's 'wife'. He is a good man and my best friend, but after 9 years of marriage I still don't like the role of wife. How do I get back to just being friends without the pressure of sexual/financial commitment/partnership?
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (26 May 2010):
 ouch... talk about bait and switch... That's so mean! I'd hate to be in your guys' shoes right now.Someone who suckered him into thinking she actually loved him and cared...but no, she married him to...? I have no idea WHY you married him... to keep him around to do as you please and he's just there for when you need him?? I have no idea...but I'm very sad... for HIM. Not you.You already knew this and you went and f ed with his heart anyway. NOT GOOD.I know I'm coming off very harsh. And I might apologise later but your post ticked me off. Do you know how many GREAT men out there get hurt by girls like you? A ton.I thought she loved me. It was all a lie. And these men are heart broken. These men deserved better. Now they're afraid to try again because they based their whole lives on a lie because of girls like you. Some get over it but none of it was necessary.If you KNEW you didn't want to be a wife, why did you become one?! I don't understand it.You want to go back to friends after you betrayed him? Not likely. If you have a good man, why are you throwing it all away for? Because you have an illusion that single is better than married? Because you need something else?No, you DO need something else. A knock on the head and some serious counseling.WHY do you need to be single again? What is it about that you aren't getting now. The freedom to screw around with all the boys? The freedom to never have sex again? The freedom to sleep alone in your bed? The freedom to say I don't give a sh about anyone except me?If it's any or all of these things, it can be arranged but let the man go find someone who REALLY loves him and wants him. You should have done it 9 years ago. He deserved soooo much better.I guess I can give you kudos for admitting it now vs. 29 years from now but it's still a sucky situation for your husband. Now go get a divorce so he can move on with his life. And you can move on to being single and free to do or not do whatever it is.Although why would someone choose to have no one care about them is beyond me... (being single, imo, means just that. There's no one special to care about you.)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 May 2010):
 The word you seem to be looking for is divorce. That generally ends the sexual and financial commitments and partnership, depending on children and joint property. It could be that he will feel able to be friends, but that is his call.
Is he aware that you are unhappy in your role? Have you discussed your unhappiness in the role of "wife"? Have you tried to redefine your role within in the context of the committed relationship?
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 you dont seem to appreciate the reality of this, you ARE his wife, it isnt an option to go back. You either leave and most likely lose him completely, or you accept the fact that you are an adult and learn to face up to the responsibilities that being an adult brings with it. the partnership shouldnt be a pressure it should be something you tackle together. I think you need to see someone professionally about your commitment issues, rather than hurt a man who has loved you and stood by you faithfully for a decade. You are an adult and need to accept that. you seem fixated on "being someones wife" as though that somehow labels you or makes you property, you are still essentially friends first and foremost, and so maybe if you took the pressure off the fixation with this label you would enjoy marriage more. You made vows to this man for life, you owe it to yourself and to him to keep them.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2010):
Major league problem. You ARE his wife now. There will be no going back to being friends if you want out. This will end it. So that's the decision you need to think about. If you walk out, there will be no friendship. He'll be hurt, yes. But he needs to be allowed to move on. But don't think you can just be friends. This isn't a high school thing. This is a real marriage that is about to break down. You need to accept that, then make your decision.
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