A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should you tell someone you love they are a slob and should do much better about being clean? I'm lesbian and coincidentally my girlfriend is too. Anyways I've recently just begun visiting her home after 3yrs making arrangements to meet up or visit elsewhere, long distance relationship. She likes me to give advanced notices of my arrival, I see and saw no problems with that. My first two visits she had the house clean inscents burning, it was very well kept. I begin staying over night, using the frig, microwave, washer, dryer, and she begin cooking for me. At first I noticed little bugs roaches, I was like eeewww. I noticed she would leave dirty dishes in water for day or two. I noticed she left some chicken she had fried in the microwave, I go back to the kitchen maybe 8 hours later she had taken the food that was in microwave n put it in frig, and I saw a roach in the microwave. I noticed she doesn't use trash bags inside house although she has about three trash cans one in bathroom one in kitchen and one in living room. She say she has bags but they are her good bags and she doesn't want to waste them. She's had her dog since it was a puppy for about a year and the dog has terrible fleas that u can visibly see and count crawling all over the poor dog. She says what's the point in buying flea treatment when the dog is going to be going outside. I left some food in the frig that I told her to throw out a week later I visit her and put something in the frig and their it is, the food from a week earlier. The frig has a stitch. I've never seen anyone like this. She personally smells good all the time. But I'm afraid to eat her cooking now or use her frig. I bought her trash bags and placed them in her garbage cans. I've even taken out her trash to the dump truck cause she didn't put it out. I'm tempted to buy some Bengal and while she's at work spray her entire house. I'm also tempted to take her dog to vet or at least get him some flea treatment. What should I do to help so not to offend my girlfriend?
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female
reader, LaceratedReality  +, writes (31 January 2013):
Please at least help the dog, fleas are terrible, do not let it suffer any longer. Please help it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): "I'm lesbian and coincidentally my girlfriend is too."
haha, sorry I had to laugh at that tongue in cheek statement. Touché OP.
As far as offending her don't worry about it. Her health and safety are at risk and her dog is being maltreated if he has fleas and she won't treat them.
OP you don't want to live that way and you worry about what effect it will have on your health while you're there, her health because she has to live there and her dog shouldn't have to live that way either.
What's offensive about caring for a person so much you want to see them healthy and happy?
Seriously OP, is she really the type of person who is going to defend her right to be disgusting and lazy?
If so, then have fun living with her if that ever comes about because you two are very different that way and it's going to boil over.
If you're too scared to talk to your girlfriend of 3 years about how she lives then how the hell do you expect to ever to be able to settle down together in the future? Unless of course you don't actually mind being the only who cares about cleanliness and food hygiene etc.
If that's the case then just do the things you suggest, grab flea treatment for the dog, clean up her gutter apartment and do so every time you're there?
I'd rather a frank discussion with her to be honest. I'd tell her that her place is so bad that the idea of eating there makes you feel a bit nauseous because it does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Yikes!
Just remember, if you decide to make this a committed partnership, this is what you will be living with...best to turn it around now and get it out in the open or accept this is who she is and decide if you can live with it or not. Don't walk into a lifetime partnership with blinders on.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 January 2013):
 i think you're making the right steps already, by slowly starting to do the little things that you feel should be taken care of or would make your coexisting with her more pleasant. i would just do one little thing at a time and see how she responds. honestly, my ex used to be driven insane by my house (she's diagnosed OCD). i am definitely far from filthy, and don't have fleas or roaches crawling around, but i would have some clothes on the floor in my room and my bathroom supplies would be on the counter top. she realized that i was perfectly content living that way, and that it was her who had the problem in the first place. so she bought me a clothes hamper and a little bucket type thing to put all of my bathroom stuff in to organize it. it made her feel better having my room organized to her liking. and i didn't have a problem with it because hell, i got to have a cleaner, more organized room. moral of the story, i highly doubt she will be offended if you clean her place up a bit. she'll probably be thankful you did.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Youre being wayyyy too nice. This is her responsibility and if she doesnt take care of it that could be a dealbreaker. She could also be the type to take advantage of u since she is lazy and u r not. Be careful.
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