A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:On Wednesday my boyfriend and I thread new years eve party.In total we invite 6 people and of which people were still relatively sober at midnight except from one of my male friends *James.unknown to us, *James had drank a full small bottle of jack Daniels, had some peach schnapps, raspberry sours shots and champagne so he was pretty drunk.Anyway, *James was pretty forward all night, getting quite close trying to tell me random stuff but kept whispering to me saying it. It's not the first time he's acted like this whilst drinking and there's been more than one occasion where it's been pointed out.After midnight we went to another person's house to see their dad after midnight because he was spending the night alone and *James was pretty bad at that point.My boyfriend and I decided to take him back to the apartment incase he woke up the persons little girl.who was sleeping. As my boyfriend tried to help *James up the stairs *James tried to grab his throat but was fine when my boyfriend moved his arm/hand so at that point we weren't sure if he was being aggressive or just trying to cling onto my boyfriend.Once in the house, I was out the room and *James Started calling my boyfriend a dick repeatingly before my boyfriend asked him why.*James said that he went to uni and has done nothing with his life, can't get a job, still lives with his parents and has nothing to show for his efforts.Whereas my boyfriend has done nothing and he has a house (he doesn't know the circumstances to why my boyfriend moved out at the age of 19) and he has me.I walked in after that point but my boyfriend says he thought *James was going to punch him.Soon after this *James went home and said the next day he can't remember what happened.I told him about some of the things he did whilst intoxicated but I haven't told him about what he said or did to my boyfriend or how he was acting towards me. I'm not quite sure now to tell him.Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): James shouldn't be invited to social events where there is alcohol.
Let your boyfriend deal with James regarding their little incident. That has to be man to man.
The proper thing to do when someone is too drunk at a party, is to call them a cab and send them home; or to insist that they leave, and chaperone them to a safe place to sleep it off. Check on them now and then to make sure they didn't wander off, or don't drown in their own vomit. Sorry to be gross!
You've already informed him of his general behavior, and he conveniently can't remember anything. In his mind he thinks no memory of his drunken behavior absolves him of any responsibility. No way!!!
It's time for an group-intervention. I suggest you and all your friends get together and let James know that if he can't control his drinking and get some help; then he's no longer welcome at your homes, and will no longer be invited to socials. It's time to stop letting him off the hook when he comes to parties and being the worst guest in attendance. He's an alcoholic. Using his sad history is no excuse for being an assh*le nor a drunk. You get help when your life is out of control, and you can't find your own answers.
As his friends, take the limited responsibility to urge him to go to rehab. Disassociate with him until he has decided to take care of himself. People with addictions and substance-abuse problems don't change until they hit rock-bottom, and have lost everyone of value to them. As long as they know you'll let them slide, the behavior gets worse. Until they kill themselves, or someone else while driving. He's on a path of self-destruction. The time for intervention is now!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 January 2015):
 I think *James knows he was an obnoxious prat spraying his sense of entitlement and jealousy all over your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend thought *James was going to punch him ... I think he probably was.
Time to remove this aggressive and nasty drunk from your friend and guest lists, he is no friend to either of you.
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