A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone hope I can get some advice tonight. I am a full time student and I live with my father who is retired. I moved in with him approximately 9 months ago because his residence is very close to my campus. I don't kmow how to say this without sounding rude but my father is always around and he seems to be rather possessive of me and my actions. He always wants to know where I'm going and who I'm with, he doesn't like me having a boyfriend, and makes comments on the choice of clothing I wear. I live in California where the weather is often hot, I should be able to wear short shorts or a spaghetti strap tank top without being commented on. it's been making me feel uncomfortable. I'm a 20 year old adult I don't think I deserve this from my father, it's like he doesn't want me to live my life. I'm not rebellious, I respect his home, I just like to live my life the way I want to. I want to go out with friends or my boyfriend or wear what I want out to the beach without being questioned to death. I feel like he's in my business way more than he should be. I love him, but I'm tired of his behavior. This isn't normal behavior, is it? How do I politely tell my father to stay out of my business and how can I explain to him that I just want to live my life like a normal girl?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2015):
 My guess is HE still sees you as his "little girl" and the fact that you moved back home might also make him think you can't quite handle it "out there" on your own, THUS are in NEED of guidance.
His comments about your BF and clothes are mostly because he WORRIES. NOT about you, but all the MEN "out there". He wants to keep you safe and he thinks by trying to tell you what you wear he can maybe, perhaps keep you safe. What he may fail to understand is that a rapist doesn't pick his victims solely by what she wears, but more from her demeanor. (is she an easy target etc.)
Tell you dad that HE has RAISED you right, that you DO know how to take care of yourself and that you old enough to pick out clothes and dress yourself.
If this keeps up, maybe you NEED to reconsider living with him.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 May 2015):
 I think you should move out again. This clearly isn't working, and let me tell you: there is no way you can get your father to back off. He is who he is, and at his age people rarely want to be told they need to behave. He'd find it even more insulting than how you find HIS behavior towards you.
Or he could have a mental illness that causes him to be overly possessive. Could be he's a control freak.
My advice to you: Sit down with him and tell him you must discuss something important. Tell him that the way things are now doesn't work out for you. You do not appreciate the comments he makes about your clothing and your social circle, and whatnot. Tell him that this needs to come to an end, or else you will have no other choice but to move out again.
And if he doesn't stop just move out already. It's going to be very annoying over time when he keeps this up, and if you lived on your own before you can do so again. Saving a few bucks isn't worth living in misery.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 May 2015):
 You live with him, and he loves you. The only way you're going to get the independence you crave is to not live with him. Dads are going to be protective of their daughters. He doesn't want any unworthy guy after your body, because he values you much more than the cheap attentions of other guys.
Tell your dad that you respect his wisdom and that you will always love him. Reassure him that you have a smart head on your shoulders and that he should be secure in how he raised you and that you'll make the right decisions.
Don't make it a scene. Just endure until you move out. Dads are dads. At least your dad didn't do what mine did and threaten a guy with a gun he was cleaning when I was about to go out on a date. That was mortifying! Trust me, the day will come when you wish your dad was around to be overprotective. He won't live forever. I miss my dad every single day.
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