A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone......my boyfriend and i have been dating for 1.5 years now. we love each other and we are ready to tie the knot and start having children. we cant cant wait to have a baby.so we have decided to get married. the problem is we dont have money to pay for the wedding. so we aggreed that we will just do a church ceremony and no reception. i like this idea but i am worried about what my family and friends will say. my family especially expects me to have a wedding, as in the reception. i on the other hand think its a waste of money. my boyfriend is persuing a medical degree with a part time job. i have a full time job. i would rather we use our saved up money for a down payment on a house.we havent announced our engagement yet. i am nervous because of the opposition that i will face personally with my family and friends. i think the whole wedding reception thing is overrated. and the area where live wedding recptions are very expensive. most pipo usually get loans for them to be able to finance them. even if we had the money i dont think i would have wanted to have one.so i dont know how to break it to my family and friends. and i need avice on how to stick to my guns coz its going to be a battle and my family may change my mind....thanx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your helpful responses.
My family are not financially capable of throwing me a wedding reception. They will expect me and my boyfriend to pay for it (especially my boyfriend). Because this is the norm in the society where I live (the groom pays for all the wedding costs). Which is ridiculous.
Well me and my boyfriend have agreed that after the church ceremony we will have something to eat with just a few close family members and maybe one or too friends.
I am going to stand my ground because we need to save money for the next stage of our lives.
Thank you once again for your advice.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 Hi,
i know what you're going through, because i went through the very same thing.
In the end, we did have a reception, it was icredible and we don't regret it one bit, however, it did cost a lot of money.
I would encourage you to sit your parents down and inform them honestly and openly, regarding your true feelings and your rightful choice to not wanting a reception, because of costs involved and the fact that youn think receptions are over-rated, etc;.
Let your parents know that you have saved for other priorities and you wish to start a family immediately, so you cannot afford to waste money, money you'll need when your newborn arrives.
You sound like a smart and responsible young lady and although your parents would like to see their daughter have a full wedding, including a reception, it really matters not, because what's most important is that you love one another and you're still getting married.
The wedding ceremony is the all important part and the exchanging of vows, rings, etc;, not the reception, certainly not if you cannot afford it.
If your parents persist, you stand by your opinion and do not allow them to stress you out or place unreasonable demands on you and your partner.
If they still persist, you inform them that this is YOUR choice and it's nothing personal, so nobody ought take offence.
If they still persist, inform them that if they want you to have a wedding reception, then "unless" they're prepared to pay fully for your wedding reception, it is never going to happen.
Do not be afraid to speak up, so long as you remain calm, rational and respectable toward your parents.
All the best to you both!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 April 2016):
 I agree, family love weddings and love to get involved. You just need to be strict and tell them this is what you want. Have you thought in anyway at all where you can celebrate the marriage? Just as an option maybe you could think of making some sandwiches and having a get together in your house, it won't cost much and you can celebrate the marriage, off course that is just my opinion, it is both your big day and your family will just need to accept what use both choose to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2016): I agree with you 100%. People spend crazy amounts on weddings these days. I know that my friends have spent €50,000 on some of their weddings and others are takings loans out to pay.it's crazy. Myself and my boyfriend also want a very small wedding. We think we will elope and have a small *celebration party* to keep everyone happy. When you are engaged explain it to your family. Would you be willing for them to hold a reception for you?
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269  +, writes (2 April 2016):
 if youre worried about them changing your mind, tell them after the fact...just have a simple ceremony and be done with it
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