A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 28 year old female who finds herself attracted to her 25 year old male cousin. Yes, I said it my cousin. I want him to know it too, but I'm sooo afraid. We are first cousins, my father and his father are brothers and we were raised together, so we've known one another all of our lives. Now when I say together, I don't mean that we lived together, but we've done family vacations and family functions here and there together.I am soo surprised by my sudden interest because I've always looked at him as my little cousin. The attraction all started at my uncle's funeral, his dad and I noticed how strong he was for his mom and I thought to myself, oh how sweet, and I was impressed. Then after the service as we were standing outside I walked up to him and we hugged and it was the most warm and strong hug that I ever received in my entire life.Seriously, it did something to me and I had to pull myself away because it felt that good.At first I was thinking maybe it's the grief, but it's more than that and since then he's been on my mind. My cousin was raised so well with such a great upbringing that he possesses all of the qualities that I would love to have in a mate. He's humble, respectful, and intelligent. His calm and mature demeanor is a serious turn on.I live about 225 miles away in another state and all of my family,including him, live back in my home state. So, I wanted to know how to tell him. Phone, email, text, or in person. I don't want too much time to pass before I see him again. I know we would be perfect for one another, except for the fact that he is my cousin. Help. No negativity please, this is driving me crazy...Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your answers :-). Please know that I can take the answers without being defensive. Just to add, I don't know if he likes me, especially because I'm totally clueless when a man is flirting with me, I've been told that many times, so who knows.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): I know you may not want to hear this, but I can tell you first-hand what its like to be in a relationship with a first cousin. I was with a first cousin, we were together for almost 3 years and lived together for about a year and I can tell you that it will ruin your family's relationship in so many ways. I was truly in love with him and people didn't want to understand and everyone just started talking behind my back, whispering, looking for ways to just put our relationship down and in the long run it destroyed our relationship and the unity of our family. We are not together anymore and my family and I are past it, but there is always that awkwardness about it when we're at a family function and everyone is looking at us. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I believe, for your sake and your family's sake, that you look elsewhere. I'm sure you will find someone that will have many of your same likes and you will be ok. You don't even know if he likes you yet. I'd say just try to be strong and hold your feelings back for him. It may be for the best in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): You need to tell him in person so he doesn't think your kidding because you are his cousin by the way. I personally think that once you tell him, you will realize that your not attracted to him but you are just desperate to find somebody who is amazing like him. Whatever the outcome may be, just don't regard anything =)
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Why not call / email to see how he's doing -- he's just lost his father, after all. And you can certainly tell him how impressed everyone was by his support for his mother. In other words, open the lines of communication in a neutral way, and try to get a read on him that way. If you dive right in and ask if he has feelings for you and you'd read him wrong it could lead to all kinds of family problems -- this is really a case where you need to tread carefully.
A big issue with cousin relationships is the impact it can have on the rest of the family. And, if he does feel the same way now and you launch into a relationship that later sours, you're still family -- seeing him at family events in the future could be very awkward.
Be careful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): You're first cousins...you shouldn't tell him nor should you have "feelings for him."
I'm sorry if this comes off as negative, but every so often I check into Dear Cupid and find stupid-ass people asking if it's "ok" to have-feelings-for/date/have-sex-with their cousins. The answer? NO!
For the love of god, your cousins are family. You might as well start dating your father if you think it's appropriate.
And I know people will start bashing me by saying "he's the one for you since he has all the qualities you want!" but that's truly ignorant. There's over 6.5 BILLION people on this planet, and you mean to tell me that the only other individual on this planet that has everything you're looking for in a partner is your family member? Really?
Don't be ridiculous. Start meeting new people and you'll find someone that has what you're looking for and will be attracted to. Who knows? They may find you attractive as well, you two might get married and potentially have kids that aren't genetically incompatible and won’t suffer from health issues.
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A
female
reader, celisse +, writes (10 September 2010):
Honestly its more of what you want to do about telling him, you could just call him up and ask him if he feels the same? you never know and you never will until you try
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