A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a week ago I dumped my boyfriend of two years. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I never want to go through that again. The reason that it was so hard is because I do love him, and I still love him. He is my best friend hands down. I don't have many people that even come close. The thing is towards the end for a LONG time he started to take me for grantid and it just kept getting worse and worse. He made me feel bad and sad with some of the things he said and did. He didn't realize it at the time what he was doing. But anyway I was just so tired and everything that I broke it off. He thinks we're just on some sort of break. I hardly talk to him anymore because I want him to start to move on. He says we can fix things if we talk them through. I dont even know if I have any effort left in me. I'm not going to go into details but he's hurt me many times and I don't want to deal with it anymore.Ok the problem is that he thinks we're on some kind of break and we'll get back together. Even if we we're to get back together I need some kind of break anyway to neutral out all that has happened. How do I tell him that? He is my best friend and I don't want to hurt him. Saying it once was hard enough I don't know what to tell him this time. Either way, no matter what I want I need some time. He doesnt understand that. He thinks we can just work things out if we talk about them. He is VERY controling and that stuff doesnt change over night like he says. Things need to change and it will take time. How do I gently tell him to give me a break without hurting him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been without him for a month now. He hasn't left me alone so I feel like I haven't gotten my time to myself to think. Everytime I tell him to nicely back off a little bit he just gets mad and says he wants nothing to do with me at all. I know he's frustrated but I'm really confused because I do love him but I just want to be on my own for a while. I have to choose between hurting him to make me better and then risk losing him. I'm scared I'll change my mind when it's too late and he'll be done with me when I want him. I love him and I don't want to be without him I just want to be on my own for a little while. He says I either come back now or he's gone for good. It's really hard for me. I don't have any time to think about things cause he's constantly coming to my work or calling my work (I'm a receptionist so I have to answer the phone and my desk is right by the door, I can't avoid it.) He's even came to my house and all. It hurts me soo much I really do love him but if I go back now I know I'll always be wondering what I want and just have to go through this all over again. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I dont know what to do...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Ive been dating my gf for 2 and a half years and the past week she left me. and just about every night we have sit down and talked things out, were coing to continue to see one another but were going to give each other space for this week. then c where thing go. we have a 4 year difference in one another she is 16 and im 20, and we have been thru hell and back a few times but we have kept on going. but in the past few weeks ive treaded her badly with out realizing i was doing it(and i want to take it all back but cant). she wanted a break so she could get her head back stright she just started a new job got her licens and a car and now taking over the payments, she has alot going on and alot to prove to her parents and i understand that, and i wanted time to myself so i kinda blew her off when we were around one another and when she need me to talk to. I see that I have made the biggest mistake of my life doing what i did to her, she was always there for me and i wasent there for her all the time. but I have a bunch going on to im bout to have sergery on the 18 and i already $1000s. even tho we have got things worked out i still feel bad and i still hurt. i have read a bunch of thing on the computer on ways to improve the love (I sent her a dozen red roses on her first day of school), she was so happy she was the only girl in her whole school who got anything. and im going to try em. It was just to much to let go her family sees me as one of there own. so i beged for her back and cause she still loved me she took me back and im so happy she did and now its up to me to make her happy as i can and ill do everything in my power to do so. and if he loves you like I love her i would hope that he would try to talk to you and see bout working things out. I hope the best for you, i no its not easy after loving someone for two years and then there gone just like that. so let me no wut happens with it to ansewer your question i really dont no, but the way i would do it just tell him that you still love him and u still want him and only him but you just want some alone time to think about the future and how it will be, but continue to date it will make it easer on u both just talk here and there for the rest of the week while u get ur alone time and he gets his, and just hope for the best. good luck and hope everything works write back and let me no how its going.Josh
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): I am slightly confused. If you have said its over, why does he think ye are on a break?
I would explain clearly in a card and or a note that you need time to yourself, you care for him but more as a friend than anything else.
Id also say you want to lead seperate lives and that you dont think ye should talk for a period of time (at least months)
Your being firm but kind and you are being clear.
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): You said he already thinks you're on a break. Why are you worrying about telling him you need a break??
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