A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,So I'm ready to have vaginal sex with my boyfriend. We've done oral and anal. Before him, I had only done oral so he was my first for the backdoor. I'm ready for him to enter through the front too hahaThe problem is that I'm not sure how to tell him. I'm sometimes shy when it comes to telling what I want sexually. And I don't want to say it through a text or over the phone. I would like to tell him that I'm ready in person but I don't have the courage to be so forwardly blunt.Do you have any ideas on how I can bring it up and how I should tell him? Also tips on getting the courage to say it.Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2013):
 how about you not TELL him or ASK him but rather next time you are being sexual and he's hard you just climb on top of him and do it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2013):
 It makes me think if MTV's show Awkward and the chick who wanted to give her BF her "behymen" (anal) because she wanted to stay a virgin.
Sorry, I don't understand HOW anyone can be OK with anal like there is nothing to it. And the worry about vaginal sex! It's absolutely beyond me. Anal is SEX (just FYI) and so is oral, that is why there is sex after the word.. Anal SEX and Oral sex...
Anyhow, if you can't tell him (and I understand being shy about talking about sex) then write him a little note telling him to make sure to bring condoms because you feel ready to have vaginal sex or "front door" sex.
And yes, GET yourself on birth control.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 October 2013):
I have to disagree with iamheretohelpyou on this one... Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex. It's just the way some people are, but why should that prevent an adult from enjoying the act? In what way is enjoying sex dependent on being able to comfortably talk about it?
I guarantee my grandma was never comfortable talking about sex a single time in her life. But thankfully that didn't prevent her from meeting her needs. If it had, I wouldn't be here.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 October 2013):
 one would think that if you're comfortable enough to have anal sex, you would be comfortable enough to tell him you're ready for vaginal sex. but i get that sometimes, it's hard for people to discuss their sex lives. it can be an awkward conversation for some.
just wait until you both are in the moment and you're both about to get physical, and then bring it up. it may sound awkward, but who cares? lol. just let him know that you love him and you're finally ready.
no one on here can really give you the confidence not to sound awkward, lol, but i have faith you can do it! :)
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A
male
reader, hardinproper +, writes (27 October 2013):
Come on! You have to have enough of an imagination to think of something! Do it in a way that will really turn him on, though. Or just reach down and put him in there when he's not expecting it.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (27 October 2013):
 If you can't talk about sex, you aren't mature enough emotionally to be having sex. Especially since good and safe sex means that you ARE comfortable enough to talk about it.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Why did you have anal sex first?? Did you enjoy it? Why would you think anything of vaginal sex after you have done more than that already?!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (26 October 2013):
 It's an unusual sequence of events to try anal before vaginal intercourse. Is it a pregnancy issue? I don't understand otherwise.
Birth control is obviously important, though I hope you are already using barrier method (condoms) for anal sex?
Ok convo to boyfriend: "darling, I'd really like us to try vaginal sex but really don't want to get pregnant so you must wear protection" - and you should ideally be on the pill/ alternative to be on the safe side.
I think you'll find vaginal intercourse far more enjoyable than the other, so just go for it and enjoy (responsibly). It might be a tad painful the first time, but relax, get turned on first and enjoy the freedom of sex in an area that's self lubricating and actually designed for penetration.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Do you know it never ceases to surprise me that there are still young people who seem to think that anal and/or oral sex is NOT proper sex! It is!
It's a total cop out to say I'm a virgin because I've never had vaginal sex but I have had my back doors smashed in!
I remember how important my virginity was to me and I remember losing it, I also remember the heavy petting that took place in the years preceding it. Anal sex was never involved.
Anal sex, in my opinion, is a much bigger deal! It involves love and trust and is in no way less intimate, if anything it is more so!
And don't be deluded into thinking that anal sex is safer than vaginal sex for STD's AND pregnancy, because I was a midwife and worked in sexual health and I'm telling you, it isn't!
If you are both so intimate that you're sharing anal and oral sex then moving to the "front door" should be no big deal in all honesty.
I also don't understand how you can be ready to do all these things but find it too difficult to say what you're ready for! I can't believe that you can be too shy to talk to him about this yet both do the things you do!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with oral or anal sex, there isn't, it just seems totally bizarre to me that they're considered less intimate than vaginal sex or not proper sex!
Just tell him, next time things are getting intimate, what you're happy for him to do.
I hope this helps ABx
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 October 2013):
Well, you could just be straightforward and say it when you're about to have sex.
Talk dirty to him, tell him what you want, it'll drive him wild.
Or, if you're too embarrassed you could telepathically send the message. Or write a note that says will you... with a yes and no check box.
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