A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! I've been dating this guy for a couple of weeks now. Let's just say (2) weeks. We've been loooong talking about going out to the casino. Yeah, we joked around about a weekend get-away. I was only kidding..it's too soon, I'm not ready to spend the night with him! He knows I'm a big kidder. And he jokes around as well..I hope. Lol. But today he said, "We'll talk about going to the casino later on." How do I tell him I was really, really kidding and still show I'm very, very much into him? I would enjoy a whole day at the casino but not the night. Besides the casino is about 45 mins-1 hr. away from us. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): You do know you are not obligated in any way, to sleep with this new guy...right? And this new bf should fully understand that as well. All you both have been doing is flirting with each other. So many couples do this, but they keep it in perspective, dear! So my suggestion is: If this has been just 2 weeks into a new relationship...then you both need to slow down. You both have the hots for each other--both of you or him especially, could be suffering from 'lust blindness'. Moving too fast and way too prematurely. One of the most commonly, deadly mistakes in a new relationship is premature intimacy. Tell him the truth. Tell him you have had some misgivings and decided that any sharing of sexual intimacy is just too soon for you. He needs to know that you want time to learn more about who he is, you want time to build the trust, the respect..you want to be intellectually and emotionally intimate with him before you venture into the physical aspects. Making love with someone can be one of the most wonderful experiences for a person, when they experience it with the right person...but it has to be at the right time. It can be a very humiliating experience as well..for those who experience it with the wrong person at the wrong time. So..pleeease...listen to your gut instincts here...if you are having any thoughts that this may not be the right time...you tell him that! He will do one of two things when you tell him and remember how he reacts will tell you something about him. He will either: 1) Respect your wishes..he will not criticize, you, he will not judge you for changing your mind. This will mean you are valued by him. If he is the right guy, he will honor your wishes..plain and simple. Which is good.or 2) He will get angry and try to make you feel horrible for doing this. He could blame and shame. This means he merely wants sex and that's it. Which is bad. If he does react this way..it means you need walk away and accept you do make a dire mistake. And please my dear..never, ever have sex with any guy out of 'fear of losing him'. I', always amazed at what some weaker women will do, just to keep a guy interested. You make this guy work damn hard for you! If he keeps pressuring you, tell him to 'stop or you both are done'. I don't care how good looking, charming and sweet he is. By pressuring you, he is clearly showing a side to his nature that is disrespectful, self-involved (he wants his jollies) and darker than you want to believe. And once sex comes into the picture and your rationale is gone, and common sense is vastly blurred by that act...you may have some regrets down the road. Remember, you come first..you don't know him well enough to share that type of intense merging of bodies, here. Which btw, causes unwanted pregnancies and possible STD contractions. So I feel, after 2 weeks of dating, you'd be nuts to do this. Rewspect yourself enough to say, "sorry I made a misjudgement..I don't want to sleep with you, after all..not until I get to know you better...plain and simple!" And if he can't handle that, then he's not for you!
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