A
male
age
36-40,
*lonzo
writes:Ok I have a problem. I am too jealous. This girl I been dating her for almost 6 months. And she has never give me any reason why not to trust her. And I haven't heard notting bad about her, in fact all I have heard its good stuff of her. On this past saturday we went to a dance, and we went in to see if will see our friends in there frist. And did. So we went to sit down with them, and I told her that I was going to her truck to get our bottle of for we all can start drinking. She said ok. So I went, and I saw her cell phone in there, so I went thru her phone. I saw two things that I didn't like. So I didn't tell her anything till she was taking me back home. I ask her if she would talk 2 anyone else besides me. She answer me and said no. So I told her ok. That I belive her. She kept asking me where did that come out from? I told her just to forget about it. But she kept asking. So I told her that I went thru her phone and I saw a picture of the guy she use to date. She told me that she just saves pictures on her phone and that she didn't remember about that picture being there. And I ask her about a text she had on her phone. It use to be one of her girl friends number and that her friend had change numbers. That's way it wasn't save under a contact. So we got into it had a big fight. And we talk it out the next day. Everything was ok till today that she was thinking about it and she said that she didn't like the way I was acting. So I told her my problem that I had in the past with my x. And I told her if she didn't want notting with me I will understand her cause she hasn't done anything. And its just cause its me and my past that I'm to jealous and I don't trust no one. But I really love her and I don't want to lose her. So how can I tell her that I'm sorry and that I really want to be able to trust her?
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (1 July 2009):
Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being jealous. All people have insecurities and this just happens to be one of yours. In fact I believe all people have experienced jealousy in one form or another throughout their lives but very few admit it. By you admitting it displays strength of character and responsibility and is your first step in addressing it. Good for you.
There may be things she is doing that trigger it and it would be wise to discuss those triggers with her.
Also, it may be the way you spoke to her about your concerns. It is vital that people express their thoughts feelings and perspectives with ownership. She doesn't make you feel a certain way yet someone who displays behaviour such as .... leads me to feeing .........., this makes you the individual that you are. Any aggression or unfair accusations are what needs to be controlled.
If you feel unhappy in yourself about your jealousy then you can do some work on yourself. I'm aware that jealousy and possessiveness have an underlying issue leading back to childhood neglect. Being a child who is neglected and deprived of love time and attention has it's effects and one of them is that when they do experience a partner that gives them love, time and attention they tend to cling to it and feel frightened of losing it simply because they have been deprived of it. No big deal, it's just the way it is.
If this is the case for you, then it may be wise to explain this to your girlfriend, if she is supportive and understanding then the two of you should be able to work through it. She can become aware of your triggers and be sensitive to them and you may like to work on any childhood neglect.
There is no shame in being jealous, it just is and needs to be sorted through.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (1 July 2009):
First of all you shouldn't go thru her phone without permission. That's totally invading her privacy and in the end will make her trust YOU less. You may have been cheated on before but this new girl is not your ex. You have to give her the benefit of the doubt FIRST not accuse her first. Tell her you wont ever do that again, and then dont. Tell her you trust her, you say you dont trust anyone, but if you really want a healthy happy relationship then you have to trust her (until she gives u a real reason not to), otherwise it just wont work.
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