A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a lovely man for 23 months and no sex. He says he has libido problems but does nothing about it. We have good times when we are together and he phones me every night to discuss his work. I know that I'm more attracted to him, than he is to me. I broke up with him in February and he went to his daughter for advice, as he was tearful and upset. He's very much self-absorbed and did not give me a birthday or valentine gift. He said his family never exchanges gifts! It hurts my heart that we are not on the same wave length romantically or sexually. He does not date, or go out on me. How can I find out if we have anything going as he finds it difficult to discuss personal feelings? Don't laugh, but we are both in our 70ies and been divorced twice!
View related questions:
broke up, divorce, libido Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 This post sounds like it's coming from a teenager and not a woman in her seventies. 'Hurts my heart' and libido.
I agree that the man seems emotionally invested in you if not sexually. And he's not obliged to do anything about his libido. There is nothing immoral or medically wrong with not wanting sex.
I'm guessing at his age he just wants uncomplicated companionship while you want a Disneyesque romance and happily ever after. So from that stand point I'd say you're not on the same wave length.
The solution is very simple (that is, not easy but straightforward). You can either accept the man for who he is or you can put a period here once and for all and move on. And to put it bluntly you don't have decades to waste here.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 August 2017):
 From your description, he is emotionally invested in the relationship and has strong emotional ties to you. At this point in his life he may be asexual in orientation. I was talking with an asexual person the other day. I was quite surprised when she said that she had crushes in high school. I just had to ask, What did you dream of doing with your crush? Her reply was she wanted to have long intellectual conversations with him.
Your question is about how you can talk to him about feelings, when he wants to keep the conversations about day to day trivia. The best way to communicate is open and honestly. Avoid demands, accusations, or ultimatums. Ask how he sees the future instead of how he feels. that will be less scary for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (17 August 2017):
One can love at any age.and no mater what age we are we need love and know that we are loved in return.However your friend seems to be happy just to be friends and maybe has no desire for anything else with you or with anyone else.As you stated you are not on a wave lenght either romantically,or sexually....so i think you have answered your own question....and there is no point in hurting your heart or continue to do so.As you stated he only discuss work with you and no gifts,perhaps he does not want to discuss personal feelings.Right you have 2 choices.[1] Discuss your feelings and ask if there is anything going on with you both......However if you do this you may have lost a nice friend.[2] Remain just friends.....However i do hope you would consider meeting a man with whom you would be on a wave lengh at all levels.I understand you are attracted to this man...but remember it take 2 and you seem to be on your own.It would be nice for you to meet a warm loving man.Kind wishes NORA B.
...............................
|
