A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex-boyfriend abused me and now im scared that my current boyfriend is going to do the same. he wouldn't hurt a fly and he is so good to me, and i want to trust him but i can't. how do i talk to him about it without him getting upset with me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell my fears were right, he got drunk and because i wanted him to go hom he got angry and started shouting and throwing things. trust gone again and now im back to square one
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): It is natural for you to be afraid to bring up such a sensitive subject, but the fact of the matter is, if this guy is a different, non-abusive type, don't worry. He shouldn't get angry with you. He will understand. Tell him during a casual time when you are not EMOTIONAL. Give few details and wait for a few days for it to sink in. Then you can answer all of his questions and he will understand!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Its natural that what happened in your past relationship is going to have some effect on your next relationship. But the reality is that the other guy that abused you is now gone, and you are now with a nice guy that is really good to you. There is no reason what so ever why your new boyfriend would do the same, as you say he would not hurt a fly. It can't hurt to talk to him and let him know what happened in your previous relationship. Choose a kind of relaxed romantic moment and tell him. If he is a nice guy like you say then he will be 100% understanding and sypathetic to what you went through, and will certainly not be upset with you.
All the best x
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi,
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
You say you cant trust him. I'm afraid it is going to be difficult for you to maintain any sort of relationship if you put it in terms like that. You have already decided that he can't be trusted based on your previous relationship. You need to find a way to trust the men in your life and the only way to do this is to seek counselling.
First you need to be upfront with your boyfriend about your past and how it is affecting you. If he loves you enough he will stick by you, but only if he sees that you are working on your problem. Otherwise he will come to see himself as a vessel for you to load your problems on, and most likely he wont stick around. Would you?
So go seek counselling, be upfront with your new boyfriend and it might just work out, but you need to put in the effort to resolve your trust issues.
Good luck.
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