A
female
age
30-35,
*aenerysM
writes:Hi,Let me start with saying I have been extremely stupid. I started dating my current boyfriend 1.5 years back, and wanted very badly to impress him. Unfortunately I had told him sometime back (before we started dating) that I had 2 boyfriends before (when actually I had just one boyfriend) to impress- somehow I thought this was impressive at the time. Later when I was drunk I mentioned to him about how my much older first boyfriend had sexually exploited me (this is true)- he then asked how I could have been so stupid to date again (actually I had not, before meeting him). I then made up a ridiculous story about me wanting to get revenge on guys so thus dating the second guy for 2 years only for costly presents, which he would give to me for sexual favors- somehow I thought this would make me seem less victimized and more smart (I did not want to be seen as weak, again to impress), obviously he thought this made me a whore. He did not say so, but when we fight it comes out occasionally and hurts each time. How do I tell him what actually happened- that I got victimized for a year and was then too stupid to break it off for 2 more years? ( I only dated for a year, then only saw my first exploitative boyfriend twice in the next 2 years and had sex only once before meeting my current boyfriend.) Would he believe me? Or is it too late to reverse the damage I have done to myself? Please advise me, thank you so much!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 You need to just tell him. It will be difficult and he may not believe you but you need to just be brutally honest with him, show him what you wrote here if that helps. A relationship will only work on honesty and there really is no point holding on to this secret and causing yourself more misery.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (7 December 2016):
 well a relationship is built upon trust, honesty, respect, love. you have decisions to make ! to come clean or keep living a lie.
if you choose to be real and open up to him you need to do it with an open heart and not cover any thing up because it will come out sometime in the future like it already has.
or you can keep lying and hope you can keep your stories strait for many many years. and know you are not being truthful to yourself or him.
the best thing is tell the truth you will not have to cover up your life, and you will have a deeper relationship of really knowing each other instead of shallow surface with each other.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 December 2016):
 Wait, he asked how you could be so "stupid" to date again? He implies you're a "wh*re" in your arguments? He doesn't sound very nice, to be honest.
If you want to try to stay with him, tell him the truth, but I'd consider leaving.
Don't lie about your past again - I know what it's like to want to seem more interesting or whatever, but guilt or the lie will come back to bite you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 December 2016):
 "Oh, what a tangled web we weave. When we first practice to deceive!"
What on earth were you thinking when you made up this ridiculous story OP? Please tell him the truth immediately and hope against hope that he believes you. He obviously might not but then it's your own undoing. Promise try never lie to him again and stick your words. Tell him honestly whatever you've told us and tell him the reasons for your lies. It might take some time but maybe eventually he'll come around
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2016): Oh no no no, don't go further down the rabbit hole! The lies will pile up and your life will suffocate for it.The only way out is to sit him down and tell him the truth. The relationship might be unsalvageable and you should be prepared for that eventuality. What I find odd are his comments about your lies - why would you be stupid to date again if you were in an abusive relationship? Plus he thinks those actions make you a 'whore'? Sounds pretty judgemental. Other than these issues, what aspects are good about your relationship?
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