A
female
age
30-35,
*ictoriaJK
writes:My boyfriend has been going away during the week to school for the past two months. He drives three hours sunday night and comes back friday nights. It was only supposed to be for two months and I was so excited that he would be home at the end of April, so I wouldn't have to wait to see him on the weekends. I am also tired of having to fight for his attention because on the weekends he wants to see his friends and family as well as me. But I just found out that he's going to have to start another two month course. I don't know what to do. I'm not dependant on him to be happy but I feel so down when he isn't here. I love him so much and he feels the same. We feel like we can get through anything as long as we're both willing to work at it. I feel like this is a really long horrible test for me to get by without him. And I feel like I'm being really selfish for being sad that I can't see him and wanting to have more time with him on the weekends.Any suggestions as to how I can survive the next two months? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): Well have you told him that you feel like you're willing to give more to your relationship? That's very important to discuss with him if you haven't. For some poeple, relationships are about giving up other things they care about, but for others, it's about making everything in their life work together. IF he's going to join the Army then you have to be either all in or all out, and you have to know what you want before he goes off for the first time. If you don't think you cant handle being away from him then you simply can't be in the relationship. By the time my husband was only 2 weeks into his first deployment, there were already two people's wives decide they couldn't handle it. One of them had 4 kids.. There are tons of soldiers out there who committ suicide because the people back home realize they can't wait that long, or handle being alone that long. So they cheat on them or leave them and then the soldier finds out and blows his head off because he has nothing to go home too, and he's in a high stress situation. Especially mine.. he's infantry. If you don't think you can be away from him all the time then you have to tell him that before he leaves. DONT put yourself in the situatioin if you're not 100% positive that you can handle it... im so serious and i can't stress the importance to you. If they even have trouble back home, that could cause them distractions that could cost them their lives. Be careful. When you're an army wife or an army significant other, then pretty much the only thing that matters is what's best for HIM. I'm sorry that you're so stressed out here and not sure what to do, but you do have a decision to make if he does end up joining. And if you decide that you do want to stay with him, then this school thing can just be thought of as really good practice for what it will be like later. You can take advantage of it and try to strengthen yourself. Army deployments are typically 12 months and Marines are typically 7 months. You have to really, really be in love with him and for all the right reasons. ok? I'm sorry to ramble and i'm really sorry if i sound mean.. it's just.. you've hit a very important subject.
A
female
reader, VictoriaJK +, writes (18 April 2009):
VictoriaJK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't know. He wants to join the army when he's finished with school. It's like one thing after another that is dragging the two of us apart. I am tired of constantly being seperated from him. And then it almost feels like he doesn't even give up half the stuff I'm willing to give up just to see him. I'm so confused by it all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): Two months is not very long. I know it's tough but you'll be fine if you really love him and you really believe he is worth waiting for. Just text and call him whenever you can. You're not being selfish for being sad.. ok, but personally, i don't really think he should need to see both his friends and family every single weekend. It sounds more fair to me if he spends one weekend with you and the next with all three or something like that, but he should be giving at least a little bit more of his time to you than everyone else.
I waited 4 months for my husbands basic and infantry training, then 3 weeks for his predeployment training, then 3 more for more trainging, and now i'm in the middle of his 12 month deployment. Except there are no phone calls or weekends or even holidays for him. I recommend you just stay busy. Don't spend all your time sitting and thinking about him. Go out with friends and your family and if you have a job, maybe you can work a few extra hours.
Also, stay on this site. This has actually really, really helped me because for all the time that i am spending sitting at home thinking about him, i can now spend it here trying to help other people, or getting help. It's a great way to occupy your brain so that you don't drive yourself crazy. if you have not created a username then you totally should! Just be strong, it'll be over before you know it.. goodluck!
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