A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am going through somewhat a confusing moment in life. I find myself attracted to my best friend who may be asexual. The problem is I don't think it is mutual. He's never dated anyone ever nor expressed interest in anyone. He does know I am gay, but what he doesn't know is that I have a thing for him. He comes over to my house quite a bit, but it almost makes me feel like I am horrible person because he may just want a friendship and I want more than that. Now I would never make a move unless, I could tell he were interested in me. How do I suppress my attraction toward him? I know the friendship is more valuable than anything else...but sometimes my mind just wanders. I know this could be messy, but is it ever acceptable to let your best friend that you are crushing on them? How would they react? Anyone ever confess to their best friend their love...did that ruin the friendship? Change the dynamic? Any success stories? Any and all advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, Kaia_cupcake  +, writes (18 July 2016):
Sounds like you're in a very difficult position. I'm going to try to give you the best advice I can possibly give you. First of all, I'm an asexual and I know many others who are also asexuals. We often chat about asexuality and we have come to the conclusion that an asexual can actually be attracted to others. An asexual by definition is "someone who has no sexual feelings or desires.". Most people read this and automatically think that we are emotionless and can never be in relationships, which is definitely NOT true!! There are actaually four other types of attraction: sensual, romantic, platonic and aesthetic. Some asexuals would argue that they don't feel any of these, however I find that these are mostly inevitable emotions that every human goes through at some point. This is because all humans love, it's simply the way we are.In fact, there have been many asexuals out there that have got married and/or are in happy relationships. This is obviously not very common considering the stereotype, but keep in mind that it does happen.Besides, you only "think" he is asexual. This is just your prediction and although it may be true, it may also be false. Some people are just like that. I know many heterosexuals, homosexuals, pansexuals, bisexuals and so on.. That don't really show their attraction. And some people think/assume that they are simply not attracts to anyone which is not true. Or he may have been hurt before and not want to have his feelings hurt again, you never know someone's situation.I personally think that you should just talk to your friend, because you never know what his feelings towards you are! Ask yourself this question: "If I died tomorrow, would I regret my decisions today?" I know it sounds depressing at first, but trust me. Remember that life is not a rehearsal, this is the real thing and there are no such things as time outs or rewind buttons or trying again. This is why you have to try to play the role of yourself as best as you possibly can before it's too late. You write your own script. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you have it off your chest and you can relax. Sure, he may act a bit weird around you for a while or ignore you, but if the friendship is meant to be, he will understand and respect your emotions/feelings towards him.However, if you still decide not to tell him, just keep in mind that these feelings you have for him will not just go away. I'm sorry, but unfortuately for you this is how humans work, we can't just stop a certain emotion that we don't like. You can only mask the emotion, which I don't advise, as it will eat you alive to keep such emotion from your good friend. Others will probably tell you to only stay away from him until your feeling goes away, but that doesn't sound like something you would want to do. It's a very painful thing to do to yourself. By masking your emotion or staying away from him, it's is very likely that it will only fuel your emotions and make you desire him more that you did before. (Not to mention the emotional pain you'll be putting yourself through)I'm sorry this is so long, but I hope it at least made you think and helped you in some way. What you are going through is very hard and no matter what path you take, it will have its ups and downs, and unfortunately you can't help that. Instead you can only try to be the best person you can be and hope that the same will come back to you. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do. Don't forget to embrace the moment!! I believe in you!!Kaia xx
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Asexual means lack of sexual attraction (though the reasons for that can be different, like trauma or just genuine lack of sexual attraction) - some of us still want romantic and/or sexual relationships, but others don't.
This may not really be love, more of an adult crush because you're close. However, I do think it's worth telling him. Either you'll find out he likes you too or he doesn't. Suppressing feelings in this type of situation rarely works without distancing yourself - you're probably better off just explaining to him that you like him, but you understand it's probably one-way and hope that things won't change because of this.
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