A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my wife have been married for 4 years and a couple of months back, when the home phone line bill came through it was huge, i didn't have a problem paying it but it was weird we hardly use it, it's just for business, family or friends just encase they can't reach us on our mobiles. I asked my wife if she'd been using the phone more often she denied and neither had i, so i was quite confused, then this repeatedly happened for a few months, after the 2nd month i rang the phone bill company and asked to receive a full detailed report on our phone calls, and asked if there could be a chance of it being mixed up. I’d received the phone bill and it had a constant phone number appearing i did not recognise it, i asked my wife she denied it, i rang up the phone bill company again and demanded it was wrong there was no way we rang that number, but they kept saying there is no mix up without even checking. i began to get suspicious on my wife, but before i confronted her i called back the number, and a man picked up, the first time he answered he aid "hey baby where you been, hope you had fun last night, i did, you wana pop round mine later" i didn’t reply and cut of, i was puzzled, second time i rang he said "hey ..... (my wife’s name) you where well kinky last night, wana do it again" i was furious i couldn't see any way this couldn't be my wife, cause all the evidence pointed in that direction, the phone bill, the man, him saying my wife’s name. I confronted my wife later that evening she denied it, after that we kept arguing and had problems. I asked for a 2 week break just in order to get some air and to come up with a solution to resolve our marriage. and what to do next!then i had a call from the doctor, my wife was in hospital, i felt so bad that we'd argued and everything, i felt like she would never forgive me for not believing her. When i got to the hospital i found she had a bump to the head, her family and i waited for her to gain conscious and when she did she asked for everyone to leave and to have a word with the doctor. After that the doctor asked for us to leave due to her needing some rest. She just asked for our 2 year old son to see her for a few minutes. Ever since, i went to see her, she was quiet. never spoke, she never said a word, she was like a statue, except with our son, always playing with our son, holding him tight, repeatedly saying "i'll protect you" i was confused what she meant, i thought she was ignoring me because of what had happened, but it wasn't she did this to every visitor. Eventually after 1 week and a half she was discharged, even when she came home she never said a word to me, quiet as a mouse, but every night i realised, she'd wait until i was asleep and then she'd go to the bathroom and lock her self in there, she'd spend ages in there, a few times she did this in daylight, i asked what was wrong, she replied "i'm fine, i'm just taking my medicine, and brushing my teeth" but every time she entered the bathroom i'll always here squeals but didn't know what was it.Anyways she continued to be quite as a mouse until one day, she blurted out during dinner "i had a miscarriage" i replied "what do you mean?" she said "i was 2 months pregnant, and i had a miscarriage, i'm so sorry, it's all my fault" and busted into tears and ran into the bathroom locking it again. I was in shock, i didn't know what to say, or do, i begged her to open the door, and finally she did, we sat down and talked about it, she told me everything. Such as she only found out she was pregnant, one week and a half before she ended up in hospital. And the day she miscarriage, was the day she was going to tell me. I asked her how it happened; apparently the bump to the head wasn’t the only thing, she tripped and fell hard, face down, and she had a hard bump to the stomach, that’s when she lost it, she thought she was till pregnant when she gain conscious, but the doctor told her she lost it, and ever since she’s been in shock, it explained everything, her not talking, not eating, not allowing the doctor to tell me what’s really wrong with her, her being so protective over our 2 year old son. I feel like my whole world came crashing down on me, she’s still in shock, cries everyday, now she is talking to me properly, eating properly, but she keeps blaming her self for the miscarriage, saying it’s her fault, she never meant to, and she’s sorry. I’ve explained to my wife it’s not her fault, she didn’t to anything wrong, but she still feels like she’s responsible. My question is how can I support my wife, what can I do to make the pain go away for her? What can I say or do in order for her to stop blaming herself. Any helpful ideas to really help my wife through this time in life would be appreciated. P.S. by the way, I am supporting her through this, I’m with her all the way, I love her, and I just need ideas to make things better, in order for her to get through this. Thanks. Oh the phone bill was a mix up in the end, they got muddle up with ours and another family’s bill that have the same family name as us, how unbelievable, caused our marriage to nearly break up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): thanks for clarifying
your wife is lucky to have a hubby who cares about her wellbeing so much. seems like you love her and just want to be there for her.
if she doesn't want to open up then you need to give her time, time to come around and time to feel comfortable discussing her feelings. try just giving her a hug, sending her flowers, or even a text mesage telling her how much you love her, value her and cherish her. just hold her when she is feeling down. and reassure her of your love and committment. please do not pressurise her and make her feel bad for not responding.
last thing about the phone call - that man knew your wifes exact full name. How? maybe i am too suspicious by nature but her full name is not just coincidental.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): REPLY FROM BELOW ANSWER
-Yes the man knew my wifes name, and later when I found out about the mix up of the phone bills I rang the man again, and asked him who he has been going out with and been having sex with he said my wifes full name, however he described her totally opposite to what my wife looks like, he said she’s blonde, has a tan, tall. But just to make sure, I managed to get the number of the women who our phone bills got mixed up with and contacted her and well she did exsist and the man was not lying she was tall, blonde and had a tan and she said she’s been having sex with him. So that cleared my wifes name. Thank god.
- I wasn’t aware she was pregnant for 2 months, until when she told me herself during dinner, that she was pregnant and miscarried. Around the time/before me and my wife had problems such as arguing, we were both sexually active so it would explain her being pregnant with my baby.
-She told me she only found out about the baby a week and a half before she miscarried, (the time she found out was the exact time the baby was 2 months) she did go to the doctor, (the doctor verified that she attended hospital to check if she was really pregnant) and he did suggest termination but she wanted to keep it, and knew I would to. Because were both against termination, plus where both in good positions (money wise and we where both suggesting to have another kid) so were capable of raising another child and on the other hand adore kids. the only reason she did find out she was pregnant was because she noticed all the signs, of morning sickness and everything.
-It was my kid. She hid the truth about being pregnant and the miscarriage because we had talked about having another child, and I was quiet excited and she did not want to see me go through the pain, of loosing a child. Which killed.
-My wife told my 2 year old son she’ll protect him because she believes it’s her fault, that the baby she was having died because she couldn’t do anything to stop it from dying. Protect him from being harm in anyway, as she couldn’t for the one she was having. She was going to tell me she was pregnant on the day of the miscarriage however she miscarried and was in shock. She didn’t know long before just 1 and half week before the miscarriage not that long.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): CONFUSION REGARDING SOME ASPECTS:
- i understand the phone bill mix up but the man knew your wifes name and his words alluded to the fact that they had sex. did you verify that she DID NOT have sex with anyone else but you.
- wife being pregnant. strange that the doctor did not advise you about the pregnancy and termination. convenient falling (bump on the head)and losing the baby.
- whose baby was it anyway. it may sound insensitive but something is not adding up here. her story doesn't match up. why did she hide the truth. why did she tell your boy she will protect him. what was she trying to protect him from? she was going to tell you the day she had the miscarriage, when she knew long beforehand.
i just want you to think clearly about the above. is it possible that she is covering up something? some very untimely thnigs happening all at the same time. i hope for your sake she is telling the truth but i believe you need to investigate. Just my thoughts on your situation. I hope i am wrong.
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