A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dearest aunts and uncles... well where do I begin... let me let it all out and hopefully I can get some advice on how to deal with my mess of a life and stop me feeling so down. I am waking up everyday 3am-5am with a fear feeling in my chest and I hate it!I am 34 and first issue is I met a guy 8 months ago in a bar, he is a quite a few years younger and the usual happened, he doesn't want a relationship... we got close, text everyday and saw each other every weekend, we had I loves you and pet names for each other and he was lovely,met the friends etc, but I knew (he openly told me) he slept with other women all the time and I thought I could handle it and could, until the weekend, when he told me his met a dancer she's stunning and earns a fortune obviously and he really likes her, he said she is not perfect for him, but his seen her a few times so far and wants to carry on seeing her (I knew something was up as he went so cold the last week, stopped calling me pet name etc) He said that he'd like to continue seeing me, but he wants to be with her as his "main partner" and that he likes me but not more then just fun. He likes her more and his sorry. I know his bad news, I know he is not worth it and I have seized all contact with him as off today and his not bothered to try and get me or contact me anyway. he said this girl is not perfect for him, but he likes her a hell of a lot and that if I want to end things cool, if not great. See not a nice guy... But I can't stop thinking about him and I wake up at 4am pining for him and feel like I did something wrong, or that I wasn't good enough for him in some way! How can I stop feeling like this, I feel like I am never going to get over this feeling or him and I also want to settle down as I am 35 soon and would like a partner and a house and kids (I live in rented accommodation with friends) ...It's silly but I feel as if he was my only chance and I have lost it. As I really want to have a baby and settle down. On top of this I have just started a new job, 2 days ago and I am not really enjoying it or the company, but I know I need a job and it has taken me 3 months to find a job and it is good pay. Just not what I wanted, I don't feel it is for me, I felt it at interview but took the job as it's a perm job and I have been temping before. Part of me things should I just go back to temping and maybe become a dancer myself as the the money is so good (no, nothing to do with the guy and him dating one) I have been thinking about it for years. Then find a job that I actually want. I know a few days is not long to know, so I am going to stick it out a month, unless something better comes up. I just feel like my life is going nowhere and nothing and I want some dramatic change for the better What do I do, How can I stop waking up with that fear feeling? Thanks xx
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female
reader, Jennifer Bianca  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 darling I can understand how deeply you have loved him but its high time for you to forget that chap.its really idiotic to care about a guy who left you in desired moments :) you deserve the best darling...true love is worth waiting for.its something you cannot go insearch 'cause your right man will come to you when you least expect...much love.mwah :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I'm sorry to hear you're going through a bad time.The fear feeling is simple to explain ... it's anxiety about the uncertainty in your life. Relationships, career, the future and so on. Most people can handle one aspect but you have a whole lot going on. This plays on your subsconscious whilst you're asleep and you wake up in a cold sweat at 3am!This guy you mentioned probably gets lots of attention from women because he puts himself out there. He flirts, sends texts, makes you care for him ... but ultimately you know in your heart this is not the person who will fulfill your needs. imao you need to forget about him and find someone better - someone who deserves you. You did nothing wrong ... he is just somewhere else in how he thinks and what he does.Relationships are very difficult though. You want to settle down and have children NOW but you also want someone to be a good father and (lifelong) partner.I think you actually need to start backwards if you like with your job. Really sit down and look at your strengths and find something you like and will enjoy and strive to get a job in that. That will give you a lot of self confidence, cut down on your anxiety and make you a little happier.Then you can start thinking of dating ... where you will know the kind of person you would like to meet. Don't fall for the first guy who flutters his eyelids and sends texts. Really check out it is who you want. You're only 35 and sound like a really nice, fun person. Push those qualities and find someone who makes happy ... and who makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, skibri +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Okay so let's start with the guy problem.
If he likes her more than you then thats his problem. How about you get some GIRL mates and hit the town - maybe then you'll pick up a decent guy :) You did nothing wrong so there's absolutley nothing to be upset about you did the right thing.
Now for the job. Right well stay where you are and look around for a diffrent job... one you would prefer. As for the dancing- steer well clear till you know your over the guy because it'll bring back memories and affect the dancing.
Hope all goes well
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