A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have two older children for a previous relationship. I struggled like hell to bring them up as a single parent as their father was more interested in laying other women. While they were growing up I placed my self through university and then became a teacher for the first 15 years or so of their early years.As teens they became quite trouble some and by this time I met a new man who was very supportive and we had a child together.Our child is now 13 and we have never lived together or spoken about a commitment. More recently he has been criticising my parenting and a lot of it has to do with the fact that we do not live together. He barely maintains his child and makes comments about his appearance.My boys had run in with the police when they were teens and he is constantly blaming my parenting for this. He has other children and claims they have NEVER stolen or been in trouble with the police. He makes them out to be so perfect.I have just moved out of my home due to financial difficulties and I made sure he felt really bad for this as I don't understand why we are living apart if we are together.I told him I want out of the relationship. He says he takes some of the blame for the trouble my younger son is having with low level disruptive behaviour in class. I want to maintain a relationship with him for my child but I am now ready tomove on for me. How do I stop him from criticising my parenting. I am currently doing a job that I love and it involves shift work but I am part time and get the most time off which is really useful to help the children. (Air Cabin Crew) he feels I should never have taken this job. I am home every day. Occasionally night stop away.Any advice welcome.
View related questions:
moved out, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 December 2015):
 Did this paragon raise his 'perfect' children or their mother?
How hands on has he been as a parent to the 13 year old you and he share? How much does he contribute to the home to ensure his child and the child's mother have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their bellies?
I am going to assume most of the care and support, financial and emotional, comes from you and that the man who is quite prepared to father children but not commit to them or their mothers contributes little, in which case his opinion is really worth less than two pinches of goat's dung.
You don't need to maintain a relationship with this man, his relationship with his son should be firmly established and entrenched after 13 years and all you need to do is ensure your son knows how to contact him should he feel like doing so. Its up to the father to foster the relationship, not you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): if this guy is not living with you he's not really in a position to criticise your parenting.some youngsters get in trouble via the schools as that is often where they are first introduced to gang culture.its important that you keep the channels of communication open between your youngest and yourself,plus he has older brothers he can confide in.you seem to be a real go getter, so i would imagine your sons problems will sort out but for now you need to ask him the obvious questions;'son is anyone picking on you in class?""who are the main bullies in class?":are you in the same gang as the bullies?""whats the name of your gang?"whats the most important rules of your gang?how are the girls?whos the richest kid in class?what do you most hate about school?whats your worst subject?who do you sit next to?do you choose a seat or get given a seat?who do you talk to at break time?how do the kids behave in the toilets?do some of the kids have real or fake sex in the loos?what does the graffitti say?do the lockers get burgled?has anyone ever nicked your stuff?whats the name of your favourite teacher?which teacher do you dislike the most?why?do the other kids feel the same way about this teachers class?if you could change one thing about school what would it be?stagger the questions unless youre on a roll and he wants to open up.find out as much as you can so that you get to see school from his perspective.
...............................
|
