A
female
age
30-35,
*ignlike
writes:Apologizes this is so long. I just don't know what to do but tell everything about it: I met someone early in 2014. I only knew her for about a week; we didn't talk much but stayed at the same facility. She had a striking appearance, and I was a bit nervous around her. Well, I was nervous around everyone, but it didn't seem to matter too much around her. She was kind about it. At first that's about what I thought about her, but later I heard her talking with others about some complex subjects, and well, her replies were really smart. She was wise, and I thought that was really neat, but also, I could understand what she was saying, because I thought the same way.So, I wanted to talk to her while I was there. Not romantically or anything like that, but just, talk. Only, I never knew what to say. That sounds silly, yes? But it was during a difficult time in my life, and this person did seem particularly important. I didn't want to say anything lame or “wrong” so I ended up not saying much at all. Now, I'm not really sure why, but I kinda got the impression that she wanted to talk to me too. There were a few times we just sorta sat next to each other not saying anything, wanting to say something, it seems. I guess I have no real way of telling you that for sure, but I do believe it to be the case.Anyway, it was on the day that she was leaving, I think, it happened. It's not a pleasant memory (the whole thing is unpleasant really) but it's what's most apparent so:We were saying something brief. It was a word from her, some awkward phrase from me, but we made eye contact. And, for just a moment, I felt a connection. I don't remember it as well now, but it was as an incredibly intense connection. It was almost disgusting how deep it was, and completely unnatural. Of course, we looked away. But, I know what I felt, and I know that she felt it too; besides the very thing I could see the expression on her face.Well, after she left, I emailed her a short while later. We chatted about “where ats” for a moment, and honestly I said some things about myself too quickly. It wasn't entirely "out there" but it was too much. Anyways, I never thought of myself as the type of person who does that, but it was weird time for me, possibly one of the weirdest of my life, and I just wanted to … I don't know. I don't remember. Anyway, I'm a weirdo, you can tell from reading this whole thing and then some, yeah? Not the point, not the point at all: point is, I completely got the impression she wanted nothing to do with me.But, that's fine. I didn't want to be act any crazier than I already have, so I haven't contacted her since then. Thing is, since the day we met I can't stop thinking about her. I don't understand it. I don't “want” her or anything like that, I don't think I do; she was certainly attractive but I hardly know her. I just, I just wanted to get to know her, because it felt like I had known her, and it's like, I can't stop thinking about her and wondering what she's doing or where she's at, even if I can hardly remember it all now. Of course I've googled her name and what have, read all there is to see. Not constantly, not wanting to (well okay, maybe a little, but not really it's more I can't help it), just every few months it seems curiosity gets the best of me. I don't want to, I just can't stop thinking about it. I have deleted her email address and other contact info, done what I can. I think it's the googling maybe that's feeding it; I just don't understand why I have to think about her every single DAY when I hardly ever do it.At any rate, this isn't healthy, I know. I'm thinking, when I was young I had slight ocd issues—had to say so many “amens” before going to bed; couldn't step on cracks, that sort of thing. Perhaps it's to do with that? Although, I've never had issues with another person before.I've also looked up the word “limerence,” and thought maybe that could be it.I felt dirty about it all, honestly. Like, if I did ever see her again, what would I say now? "Hey, stalked you on facebook." I'm just so screwed. Anyway, I feel as though I've lost track of what it is I'm saying. My question is: as someone who does not want to contact this person (because why should I if she doesn't want me to), how do I stop thinking about her? What on earth can I do? To note, I have indeed tried throwing myself into studies and hobbies; just about everything short of getting into a relationship (although that's because I haven't found anyone I like). I'm thinking now, perhaps I should anyway? I'm also curious, do YOU think I'm crazy for doing all this and still thinking about her? I mean, is this normal? What could it be?At any rate thanks for reading if you made it this far. Best wishes.
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female
reader, signlike +, writes (29 December 2015):
signlike is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks everyone. Your replies were way kinder than what I was expecting, aha.
ladyinlove, your reply on "you are thinking about the pink perfect future you could have shared, you are afraid that you might not find someone that perfect ever again" and "never compare them to HER, she is not the ideal standard, she is a human being" really struck a chord with me. i'll try and do that.
but thanks to everyone. I'll be keeping busy and out of the address book as you've all suggested. peace.
A
female
reader, ladyInLove2  +, writes (28 December 2015):
 hey,
i had the same problem with my ex, i was addicted to him, 6 months after our breakup i was still looking him up, i blocked him on all social medias but kept checking him out from my sister's accounts.
the thing is, you seem difficult to be impressed, it is not easy for a girl to interest you the way that girl did and this is why your still thinking of her.
i read dozens of books and got high grades at the university, i was still addicted, i still heard the recordings of his voice when ever i was sad, that only feed my addiction, what really helped was talking about the whole experience to a male friend, he helped me understand the things i find so unique in him are found in other people too, he helped me realize it is not HIM that i am craving for but rather the WHAT IFs.
think about it, you do not remember the day you met, or how your eyes connected, yet you are checking on her, meaning you are thinking is she still worth being my girl friend? you are thinking about the pink perfect future you could have shared, you are afraid that you might not find someone that perfect ever again.
my advise, look at the right places, read in libraries where smart girls are, go to art conferences where girls interested in the same stuff as you are will be, and never compare them to HER, she is not the ideal standard, she is a human being.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): You are displaying some key traits of a stalker, it is just lucky you don't know her physical adress. I would seriously look into some therapy, you met over a year ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): I think this is normal. I've recently been there and yah, we google-look at instagrams-look at fb...all that. But, it was hurting me too..I was not feeling good about it, in my case because I am not in a place to be in a relationship of any sort and need to be single. Plus, this person is out of my league..just not gonna work. So, I started to literally count days that I did not look at them on social media, started to avoid specific events this man would be at, and felt a little better and less compulsive. Have you heard of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Sounds creepy, I know, but I went to a few of these meetings and found them helpful actually. And I am no sex addict, but a lot of the talk is about the nature of the obsession. Main thing is, be kind to yourself. This is how humans are wired, to an extent. It's the basis for continuing our lineage and life..hey, why marriages are formed and making love transpires. So, it is normal. But I understand when it becomes too much as well...for me I have found it usually has to do with another underlying issue, usually my relationship with my father. No doubt there is a strong attraction to this other person, but when it becomes obsession based than I sort get the feeling it is more about my stuff then them.
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A
female
reader, Songwr1ter  +, writes (28 December 2015):
I don't think you're a weirdo .. Just someone who's a little obsessed with a girl .. And we all go through it, I think..Like being totally obsessed with someone, I mean. You don't know for sure that she doesn't want you to contact her .. But try passing time; keep yourself busy, so that you don't check her out on google. Try going to more social events, where you can meet more people, and possibly, a new woman. Make more plans with friends to busy yourself.
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