A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I really hope you guys can give me advice! My relationship with my mom, as a daughter, is going from bad to horrible. When I was a child, we did everything together from shopping to swimming. I miss that. I've become so, so horrible in terms of my attitude and control. I throw things, punch her, scream, disrespect her, and call her "not my mother" since I'm adopted. What is wrong with me? I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep myself below risk of accidental murder. Should I check myself into an asylum? Please help me! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): There are likely several things in play here... all overlapping and make a bit of a mess...
First, your becoming a young woman, and breaking away from your parents (combined with raging hormones) is natural. This is the age that you were expected to leave the cave, find and man and start to have babies before you died at and old age of 28 (your DNA is likely kicking your ass...).
Add to that you may have some anger (rage) at being "abandoned". which you really need to stop and think about. First, your Mom took on a huge act of love in adopting you. Second, it's likely that your birth mother undertook an even bigger act of love in giving you up for adoption. It's a terribly difficult thing to do, and all too often women DO NOT make this right choice and try to raise a kid under horrible circumstances.
The answer is simple... really simple... but it's scary and hard at the same time. COMMUNICATION! Go talk to your Mom, tell her you love her, tell her what your going through (here's a HINT! She likely went through it too!) Tell her what you want... cry with her, let her hold you and love on you... odds are really high she wants the EXACT SAME THING! You have ZERO to loose! Please try it.
FYI: This is the same skill you'll learn in how to have a deep and meaningful relationship. Learn this early and avoid years of frustration with your partners!
A
female
reader, lovelyeyes +, writes (22 March 2011):
Omg! U poor thing. I think u are acting out cause now your older and understand that you've been adopted and u have a lot of anger in u. I think your taking it out on the Angel who saved u. She gave u something that was takin from u. If u need to apreciate and respect anybody in your life it should be your mom. So pretty much what your saying to your mom is. Because u gave a life and let me have a chance for a family all u deserve is to get ouched and yelled @ everyday. Shame on u. Its not her fault. U need to grow up and apologise to her. Enough is enough. Don't make excuses for acting out. U should be enjoying your teenage life. U live once why ruin it. U will regret it when your older if u don't taje control of this situation. I realy wish u the best. Tell your mom u love her to me it sounds like she realy needs to hear it and so do u. Right now the future is in your hands make the right decision for yourself. I realy think u could change. Just believe in yourself. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Your pain as the unwanted child has never been processed and it all came out at an uncontrollable moment. Talk to your mom that you want to become better. A trained therapist would help you ways to come to terms with what happened, why, and help you express your anger in less dangerous ways. Your mom understands you and cares for your emotional growth. The moment she adopted you she is prepared for something like that but could be surprised you actually hit her. She is more forgiving than you think and all it takes is the intention to mend the relationship and be a happier person.
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