A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help- I don't know if I'm overreacting or reading too much into my boyfriend's actions or not.He's not much of a phone guy, so most of our communication is through texting (we text every day). And we spend at least a couple days/nights together each week. When we are together, I feel great and confident about where we stand with each other. We've been dating for several months now, and I feel that we are headed in the right direction, but sometimes I freak out (to myself, not to him) when I don't hear from him in what I consider to be a timely manner. For example, today we texted back and forth a couple of times this afternoon.Then at 1, I said "you should come see me before work tonight". No response. At 3, I said "Guess you're busy. Have a good night at work babe". No response. Now it's 6 and I still haven't heard from him. WTF? Now I'm sitting here wondering why he's ignoring me or choosing not to respond... I have a tendency to feel very insecure in relationships, which I fight tooth and nail not to show my boyfriend. I don't want to be a needy girlfriend, but it really hurts that he is seemingly blowing me off. We've never had a fight, we've always have lots of fun together, a very active sex life, etc. Why does he do this? (This kind of thing happens every once in a while). How do I stop freaking out about his lack of contact? Should I talk to him about it? And if so, how do I talk to him about it without him thinking I'm needy and insecure?I'm so depressed right now that I'm on the verge of tears. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): I am in the same situation with the guy I am dating now...really I don't think it is normal for a anyone to act this way. In relationships you should always have more contact in all forms. But I can say that it does seem like he is into you because he did call to apologize. But I have been in good relationships before where you can pretty much guarantee that the guy will be there for you when you need to talk to him You have phone contact every day and see each other all the time. I really am depressed too as I like this guy and he loves the fact that he is a mystery. I told him I feel like he is misterious and he took it as a compliment and loved that. I am torn too :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. He finally texted me this morning around 11, saying "Good morning, sorry about yesterday. I was so busy but excited about tonight" (we had pre-arranged plans for this evening with a group of my friends). I didn't text him back. Then he just called and talked my ear off about why he was so busy- he said he was busy at school, then worked, then drove to another city to pick up his daughter, etc.
I understand being "busy", but I'm sorry- no one is ever too busy to send a text message. Especially on a 3 hour road trip (each way), I find it impossible to believe that he didn't have 5 seconds to write me a quick message, even if just to say he's busy or to tell me good night.
I'm torn- do I just let this kind of stuff go so that I don't scare or chase him away? Or is accepting this just sending the message to him that I'll accept whatever he gives me? Please advise..... Thanks again.
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (24 March 2012):
 First of all I want to say don't feel disheartened. You have the power to control how you feel and you shouldn't let his actions put a dampener on your mood - you should try and remain positive because there really could be so many reasons why he didn't get back to you and not all of those reasons are terrible ones.
My husband, for instance, is not much of a talker or texter and he will regularly go on and on in texts for hours and then not reply for a few hours later and it just so happens that once in a while it'll be after one of my texts, when it could easily be after one of his. He likes to ignore his phone and sometimes forgets it alltogether or has it on vibrate and doesn't hear it. He isn't really a big speaker on the phone either and assumes everything is great and doesn't realize if I am at home thinking there may be a problem...
And that really is the heart of the matter if you think about it a little bit - you don't know what mood he was in or the context of any texts he sent before he vanished because texting is so flat that you have to rely on your instinct when guessing how something is meant to be taken and this is where we end up driving ourselfs crazy wondering what happened!
Give it a day or so and try not to worry too much! Concentrate on something you love to do and he will resurface eventually. He may or may not have a legitimate reason for not replying and perhaps he can't get back to you right now and feels just as much of a pain in the backside for it...but you won't really know until he comes back from wherever he went!
I would probably not mention his lack of contact in an agressive, pressing way because he might just be trying to see what his boundaries are - let him have some and when he's done with any games (or charges his phone) he will come back to you and play nice :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): Try calling him when he gets off work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): Honey we all feel bad when he doesnt respond take a deep breath and think of why he wouldnt text you back logicly I mean. There are more than a few good reasons I am sure. Be patient, he will talk to you again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's now 10pm and still nothing... I haven't tried to contact him again but have spent the entire evening wallowing because of this...
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