A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, So I’m currently working somewhere that I really like but my boss is someone I used to kind of date. Long story short, when I was 20 years old, I worked for a car dealership and he was the GM. I worked in another department so I didn’t see him much, only a couple times a week and only for a few minutes at a time, but after a year we both left the company and he told me he was into me and we hooked up. We continued to hook up for the next year and he just started calling me his girlfriend one day. Anyway, I went back to college and I didn’t really have time to see him so we decided to be friends. I got a boyfriend, he got a girlfriend, 2 years later we’re both single again and I needed a new car so I went to see him to get a good deal. We started talking and flirting again almost immediately but we never actually did anything. He kept trying to hook up with me, but I wasn’t ready at the time because I was still getting over my ex. Well, I left my job and he asked me if I wanted to work at his dealership and it seemed like a good opportunity for better money so I said yes. I stupidly did not think I’d start to like him again. I was almost sure I wouldn’t, but pretty quickly I was attracted to him all over again.At first this seemed like a good thing for me because after my last relationship, I just wanted to have fun with someone and I felt like he was perfect for that (I just hate that he’s my boss again). Everything seemed to be going okay until these past 2 weeks. A new girl started working at the dealership and at first I didn’t think anything of it, she’s younger than me and honestly, I didn’t really think she was attractive. I didn’t think she looked any better physically than me. It seemed like he was helping her to get the hang of working at the dealership. But since she started 2 weeks ago, they are ALWAYS with each other or talking to each other. A few weeks ago, he bought me lunch but told me not to tell anyone so no one would think anything. I noticed last he secretly bought her lunch last Saturday also, and I only noticed because I was talking to him in his office and she walked in and grabbed food out of his bag. I thought it was just in my head, but t’s gotten to the point to where I have to avoid him completely to prevent myself from possibly seeing them together.Even though he and I still talk, I feel like he’s not as interested as before. I tried to hang out with him yesterday and when I texted him asking, the vibe of the conversation was so off. He was going along with it but his messages just seemed bland and not like they were before. We ended up not hanging out because he says he thought I was home already. I don’t even know what me being home has to do with us hanging out, but Whatever. All I know is within a matter of days, nothing seems the same. I decided im just gonna back off because I can’t compete with other girls and I’m not even gonna try. If he likes her, that’s his business, I just hate that it’s in my faceHe tells me we can’t talk much as work because he didn’t want anyone to know about our secret “relationship” (I’m not sure what to call it) and yet, he is with this girl so much that I just know other people are talking.He told me a few weeks ago that he wouldn’t like it if I dated someone at work. I was surprised by that but he’s always been a very honest guy with me. He is not afraid to tell me something I really don’t want to hear, and I’ve always respected that. So I assume that he can be honest with me on this as well and yet, he hasn’t said anything. On Saturday, the day he bought her food, I texted him and said “I think you like that new girl lol” and he replied with “OMG ????“. I’m not sure what that means, but that’s the only time we’ve talked about it, he hasn’t said anything else and I don’t know if i should bring it up or not but I feel like it’s quite obvious he likes her, he’s not as interested in me anymore.But I really like my job and I feel like my other boss really needs me so I don’t think I should just quit. But I want to be able to enjoy being at work. Any tips or suggestions on what to do and how to stop feeling jealous of the situation? But I do like my job and I need to stick it out, any suggestions on what I should do or how I can stop being jealous?
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at work, flirt, jealous, money, my boss, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2020):
 You didn't learn from the first time and your first series of questions?
You know.. to not mix work with pleasure? To look elsewhere for romance, NOT your work place?!
It makes you (and DEFINITELY HIM) seem SO unprofessional!
Stop "ducking" the boss not even for "fun. Because obviously you DO develop feelings and want more. Whether you want to admit it or not.
He is a "player" who seems to "play" with all the VERY young and naïve employees. Which is utterly gross. You all fall for his slime.
The fact that he tells you that you have to "hide" your "relationship (or whatever it is) at work, means that the other girl is none the wiser and plays right into his games.
He is a F-boy!
Want more from a relationship. And not eat where you shit. You really should know better by now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2020): You wanted fun and chose him. He happily obliged. You are not in a relationship. He is using you and you are going along with it knowing you have feelings for him! Unfortunately he is free to date/sleep with who he wants to and there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t know why you thought sleeping with your boss of all people would be a good idea? I know you have history but you have now put yourself in an awkward situation. My advice would be to find another job. I know you like your job but it’s either that or suck it up and deal with it. That could lead to even more problems for you and him. You will have no escape. In future don’t sleep with your boss or co-workers. Don’t accept jobs from ex boyfriends. And maybe don’t get yourself into a FWB type situation. Feelings always develop. He sounds like a creep to me who preys on his employees. It’s gross and unprofessional. Literally my skin is crawling thinking about what he is doing. He has sucked you in with his charm that he is clearly using in other women. You are using excuses by saying he is honest. He is not honest. You want an excuse to believe everything he says about you or to you. Like him saying he wouldn’t want you to date anyone else at work. Just because he would be jealous if you did does not mean he has feelings for you. It means he doesn’t want to loose the relationship he has with you in which he doesn’t have to put any effort in and can sleep with anyone else he wants. Open your eyes op and make smarter choices. Help yourself by finding another job.
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