A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It is coming up on two years since my heart was broken. In that time, I've gone on... Maybe 30 dates? I am actively using dating sites, trying to meet people in person, trying to improve myself... In short, I think I'm doing everything right. And I'm trying not to compare myself to my ex. But he is in a relationship for one and a half year - happy, in love, whatever (I assume). But man. How do you stay positive? Going from heartbreak, to seeing your ex move on quickly and successfully, to actively TRYING to date, and nothing.. In 2 years. 2 years. So the thoughts rattling around in my head are that I'm not good enough, that he's winning, that he was my chance and I'll never find love again, that I screwed up a good thing, that it'll take years to find love - if I'm lucky. It's so hard to deal with these thoughts when I also know I have good qualities. I'm smart, successful, interesting (others tell me this), adventurous, kind, sensitive... My biggest downside is that I'm plus size (size 14 US usually). But I work out and try to take care of myself in terms of hair, clothes, skin...When will I catch a break? How long do people stay single for when they are doing the "right" things in looking for a relationship?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (4 November 2016):
"I'm not good enough"
Why should any man date you if this is how you feel about yourself????? Ever think how you feel about yourself is the same energy to pass off to us?? Men are not bricks...we sense things too, and yes, we can sense the negative vibes you give off.
Why oh why do you care about what your ex is doing? How happy he he is? Or what you had 2 years ago? Tell me one thought you have right now that can erase all that has happen, and put you back together? Just one thought..go for it.
So if that is impossible...why are you wasting time thinking about what could have been possible? Things did not work because you are not suppose to be together. If you were...then you still would be...And the only reason you have not met your future husband, is because you have not look forward to him yet...you are still looking back two years ago. Never find your future guy that way. He is not in your past.
The right guy will come when you start doing the right things...like stop obsessing about the past. You have already wasted two years...enough.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2016): I fee like I wrote this post because I am the same woman also.- I've given up myself and here is so sense of hope for you - why didn't you let it be? Things happen the way their supposed to happened - you rushing things will only make u more desperate and compressing Wel that's just the worst at sucking ur life - been that done that trying to rise from it- my ex got married by the way and I fell in the pattern you are - instead of finding love which is sometimes in fates hand why don't you start within- u mentioned your weight - I've been all sizes and believe me when I say this all sizes come with depression and trial and erro and acceptance- why not focus on healthy eating and trying to change that (ONLY iF YOUR NOT hAPPY) with it - I've failed so many times at improving myself till I got it right. Enjoy your time now and yourself - keep urself busy - go out there find out what your passionate about - a guy is a guy at the end of the day-that's all- good luck
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 November 2016):
There is nothing wrong in what you are doing. Why does being single have to be a bad thing? You are dating and not meeting the right person, which makes sense for being single. You obviously do not want to settle for someone who is wrong for you. When you wear those thoughts of your ex of comparing etc, people will sense that and it will put them off. They will think your intentions are not genuine. It isn't a race nor is it a competition.
Do you have friends? I find that being introduced to extended friends can help in meeting someone who might be a suitable partner.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (3 November 2016):
 Remove him entirely from your life---no stalking him on social media or keeping in touch. And 30 dates in 2 years ? Sweetheart I really suggest scheduling couple dates a week (an hour for coffee with a new person) and do it weekly. Get to know people, practice conversations, etc. Focus on enjoying your life as much as possible. The only way to get over your past is to ENJOY this very moment so much that everything becomes irrelevant. Date, date, date and have fun. Make new friends, pick up new hobbies, and love life. Good luck=)
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