A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, my question is simple, I broke up with my long term girlfriend of 6 years 7 months ago, the breakup went well in some ways, I mean, I was devistated, we were in love for so long and it all fell apart so fast, but I just accepted it, distanced myself, and moved on. However, after being with other people I can't find anybody I have a real connection with like the connection I had with her. She's in a similar situation, she's had a few of new relationships, but they didn't work out and they turned into disaster zones fairly quickly from what I've heard. We're both single at the minute. We don't talk too much now, sometime's she'll send me a text, or vice versa. We've met up a couple of times recently, and both times we were very comfortable together, and all the past seems to have been forgotten. Her body language wasn't defensive and we were both very relaxed.As a guy, I'm not good at initiating flirting at the best of times, let alone with an ex, it feels like the situation is never really right for it. I can't seem to move the conversation in the right direction for it, we'll talk about work, university, family, and we joke a lot, she generally never stops laughing when she's with me, and vice versa, we really enjoy eachothers company. I know some of you might say "if the situation doesn't feel right for it then you won't be able to do it" and whatever, but really, I think I can, I just need to know how to progress beyond the sort of friendly conversation we have into something more intimate so i can actually start flirting...I don't think we're really friends anymore, more acquaintances who have a past together.Anyway, that's a very long winded way for me to ask, how on earth do you start to flirt with your ex??Everyone seems to just tell me the same things. "Stare in her eyes when you talk to her, touch her occasionally when you're joking with her" But surely flirting is more than that?I dunno guys... Somebody help me, please!-Stephen
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): OP here again,
Thanks Bugs!
Your advice actually worked! Not that I doubted you or anything, I just didn't think I'd find my answers on the internet... I love the internet, I really do, lol.
We talked for ageas, at first about normal stuff, then I reminded her about old times, we talked more, and after a while I think she was flirting with me, she touched me alot and laughed at near every joke I made, and we were in a restraunt and I rubbed my leg up against hers and she didn't pull away or comment on it, she just smiled at me and joined in, she missed 3 busses home and the 3rd was the last bus, so she had to get a taxi.
Is it safe to ask her out? Or should I meet up and do it again a couple of times? I don't want to get friendzoned but I don't want to act too soon and screw it up with bad timing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Hmmm Keeping in touch with an Ex is a very bad idea.you either love or hate your ex.It takes a long time to come into the neutral zone.
Reading your post,I would say she is somewhere in between the neutral zone and love zone.She definitely doesn't seem like she is in the hate zone.
Look into her eyes,hold her hands and say remember when.Sorry didn't go out much with my Ex.You can fill in the blanks.
Or I can have fun imagining the scenario.Let me try.
"Remember when I said you are the prettiest girl in the world.I was wrong.You blossomed into a much prettier one than the one I knew.Did I tell you I missed you like anything?"
Just keep on flowing with the compliments like a flood.Make her blush.
If she likes it,she will definitely respond.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): O.P. here,
"when it's over, it's over" You could well be right, but I'm not really here asking for people to tell me not to do this, or to tell me that it's an impossible situation. As far as I'm concerned everything is possible, just some things are a lot more improbable than others.
It's not that I don't appreciate your input, I appreciate what you're saying, it's just that I don't need grounding or a reality check, I don't have any unrealistic goals here, I know I could well fail at this, there are probably a million ways to fail doing this and one way to get it right, the chances of me getting it right are astronomical.
If I fail at this, it won't hurt me, I don't really feel that much for her, I just think that me and her as two people were and are very compatable sexually mentally and emotionally and I'd like to give it another shot, and if I fail It wont be a bad experience for me because at least I will have security in knowing that it won't be.
But yea, thanks everybody for the advice so far.
As far as Bugs' advice goes, if I veer the conversation into nostalgia in regards to our relationship how do I make it seem as more than just conversation? I know she'd be fairly receptive to talking about it. But I could talk about it in two ways, the first would sound like a conversation between two people, the second would be building some kind of attraction between the two while talking about it. I need to know how to build that attraction :S or will it just build naturally if she gets into the conversation?
im so lost lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Ross and Rachel did work it out in the end didn't they?I wonder how many Ross's and Rachel's out there in real life made it?
Flirting would start with talking about all the things you guys did.Start by saying ,"I miss those times.The moments I spent with you are the moments of my life.I wish those moments are in the present instead of the past".
LOL!I tried.I am not sure how good it was.Hopefully you can start with this and let nature guide you.Its like riding a bicycle.How ever out of touch you are you would still know to ride the bicycle.
All the best!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Maybe she wants to hear how you've matured and 'changed'...if you have. She might be guarding her heart until she knows the problems of the past have been 'fixed' or in the works or fixing. Then you might see the light of hope in her eyes to give your relationship another chance.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): don't have sex with your ex, your life will be complex... Oh dear you havent got that one yet... when its over its over mate... if you broke up once you will do it again and again and again and then youll break up because you wanna be with somone else or she does etc, etc... get back together etc etc...
Move on and find a nice one that makes you laugh. I say start fresh!
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