A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 6 years ago, during my last year in law school I met this guy who I ended up having the biggest crush on. We had one class together and I schemed a little so as to end up in his study group. A few weeks into the semester I found out that he had a long term girlfriend and so all my hopes of being with him went out the door. A month or two later they broke up because she was ready to get married and he wasn’t (she’s since married one of his friends!).Anyway, nothing happened between us, we graduated and I lost touch with him. I don’t think that he ever thought of me in that way. I was around him often and he never initiated anything or made a move...so I think that he was never interested in me.Fast forward to 6 years later, I’m in a long term relationship and he’s still single from what I can tell (from facebook mind you). I’ve been feeling a bit bored in my relationship and wondering if my boyfriend is really the guy for me. He’s wonderful but is missing some qualities that I’d like him to have (I’d love it if he was university educated and more financially stable).So the other day a friend of mine tells me how she ran into my law school crush in the city and all my memories came flooding back. She says he’s now working as a lawyer and is the same nice guy we knew in law school.My thoughts are revolving around him and how nice it would have been if he and I could have been together. I know this is a fantasy and that it could never come true. It’s also disrespectful to my now boyfriend.I just want to know how to snap out of it and let it go.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I'd start by observing yourself when you start to obsess. "Ah, I'm starting to think about him. Let's see what my mind comes up with this time." And then just watch yourself think about him. Everytime you start to think about him, say that, out loud if necessary to yourself. "Here we go with the obsessive thoughts about him."
Maybe if you get bored watching yourself obsess, you could ask yourself, "Why do I think I'm so obsessed with him? What is it that is causing me to think like this?" And then just watch, again, without judgement or anger.
Basically, allow yourself to witness your mind at work. Let the mind run rampant, but keep one part of yourself as a witness to the obsessive thinking. Eventually, that witness part will start to figure out why and you'll have your answer.
You have it inside yourself to do this, just allow yourself to be aware of watching your mind do its silly thing, okay?
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