A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently my boyfriend's parents and brother became angry with me. The issue was caused because I had an argument with his brother's girlfriend. She wrongfully assumed I posted about her on social media. I did not post about her but she wouldn't believe me and the argument escalated. She then messaged my boyfriend and tried to tell him I was a bad person and he shouldn't trust me or listen to me. Both of us blocked her number and on social media but my boyfriend's parents are angry he deleted her and his parents and brother believe I started the argument and intentionally caused her to be angry. We have tried to explain our side but they refuse to listen. How do I smooth things over with my boyfriend's family and how do I keep his parents from getting involved in our personal issues seeing as we are both in our mid twenties? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2015): You can't apologize to people who are angry and blowing a situation out of proportion.
Perhaps that young lady has other issues with you and your boyfriend; and she may be using this as an opportunity to create dissension. Maybe just to get back at you for other little things that have built-up over time; because she's a scornful type of person. It all sounds like something blown out of proportion, or a major misunderstanding.
How can you be accused of posting something unless there is some evidence of who wrote it; and she can prove it was you?
You don't explain what type of information it is, but if it was something of a highly personal nature that only a few people could know; she could only assume it was you. She may have other enemies; but why would she single you out?
This is an indication that this person has an ax to grind with you.
Just for the moment, stop trying to apologize to anyone; because they are using your argument and anger as proof that you're the culprit. Just trying to wiggle your way out. Just let this settle for awhile. Your boyfriend's parents have nothing to do with any of it. They're just stirring the pot and picking sides. If they were mature intelligent people, they'd know to stay neutral; and let the kids work it out. They enjoy the drama. It's usually the mother instigating this kind of drama. She dragged her husband into it. It's too much of a feminine issue for guys to really be that much a part of it. Accept to protect their women from other men involved, and to back you up.
Go silent. Don't say another word to any of them. Let them stew a bit. You have already gone out of your way to resolve this issue; and no one wishes to accept your apology or believe you. They will keep you begging, because they want you on your knees. Just in-case you did it.
My guess is that they've got a bug up their collective-butts; and this is being used as a reason to be spiteful. If you're innocent; just stop trying to convince them.
How did you all get along before this? Is this family generally dysfunctional, and prone to inter-fighting or feuding?
I can only say people can't just accuse you of things without solid evident to back it up. Dragging your boyfriend's parents into it, was ganging up on the two of you. I strongly suggest you let your boyfriend handle his brother and parents. Things are much too volatile at the moment, and every attempt you make will be shot-down, or a show-down. That's how spiteful people operate, and it's best to back-off and allow them time to come to their senses. If they have any.
They may realize how wrong they are in time. The truth always comes to the surface. Apologies only have value when they are sincere; and when the recipient is willing to accept it. Otherwise; you're wasting your time, and fanning the flames. Blocking her, only added more fuel to the fire. Don't argue with the parents; they are just butt-inskys. Be respectful, cordial, but distant.
The truth always comes to light. If you've got some issue with this young lady, and have been spreading gossip; or discussing her with others. Someone you intimated to may have set you up! The parents may even be picking favorites, and she may have noticed they like you better. Maybe she needs them to like her more, and she's playing the victim.
Just leave it all alone for now. Let it fizzle-out.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2015):
 And just to add to this suggested text to the family, I would suggest you take an objective look at the post. It seems odd that if everything were all happy and awesome with boyfriend's brother's sister, that she would go off about a post. If things where unhappy and unsettled prior to the social media blowup, you owe it to yourself, your boyfriend and his family to assess that honestly.
In your shoes, I would probably ask a friend I considered honest and diplomatic to look over all the posts in question and ask her or him to weigh in. It may not be what you want to hear, but there could have been some ambiguous messages being put out there without you intending it.
If you were sincerely angry with someone else and Maggie simply mistook that angry post as aimed at her, well, that should be easily managed.
I think you may have learned an unpleasant lesson about posting on social media. There will be those who misunderstand you, either inadvertently or worse, deliberately so they can try to deal with something else that's been happening online or offline.
How to keep his parents from being involved in your personal issues? Keep those issues as private as possible. If you are posting about personal issues on social media, people will assume it's open season.
I think first you need to deal with Maggie and the brother, get that settled and sorted; then you can tackle the parents.
And I am dying of curiosity. What did you post (paraphrase it) that got her knickers in a bunch?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2015):
"I am distressed that a misunderstanding has devolved into an argument and angry feelings.
"I have tried to explain what happened. I will try again, in the hopes that this can be resolved.
"There was a post on my social media that apparently was misunderstood as an attack on Maggie. The post had nothing to do with Maggie and myself; however, things grew heated. I could not find a way to help her understand this post had nothing to do with her.
"Messages were sent, further escalating the misunderstanding into an argument.
"I want to be clear here: the initial post that set this off had NOTHING to do with Maggie whatsoever. The post was about another person and no offense was meant toward Maggie or anyone in the family.
"After it became clear that discussing it wasn't going to clear things up, we made the very difficult decision to block Maggie from contacting us.
"I are deeply distressed that things have escalated to this point and regret that we felt the need to take such action.
"I want to make it clear that no offense was intended toward Maggie at all. I hope that in time, this will be understood by everyone. In the meantime, we can be reached at xyz, and would be happy to discuss the situation in person, calmly, and with love toward everyone.
"With very best wishes to everyone,
"Syd and Jamie"
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