A
female
age
51-59,
*bby1118
writes:I need help....I let something happen with my boss when one night we were out after a long day out of town we were sitting in the bar having drinks and one thing lead to another. I really thought something weird was going on but thought it was just in my mind. We left the bar and I got off the elevator on my floor and said goodnight and went to my room...the next the I knew there was a knock at my door and it was him..I opened he came in and came right up to me and started to kiss me...I said we can't be doing this it's NOT good...one thing lead to another and we just messed around it didn't go all the way. We travel often together and then over time it finally happened...it happened when we drank and even when we didn't. We are both married and have known each other for a long time...we can't stand at moments being around each other and can't stand being without each other. We both agree that we want to set boundaries but how can we and where do we begin? I am so confused and so emotional about this whole thing and just don't know what do. He keeps saying things will be ok and we will get thru this...we get to a point where we know we should not let this happen and get comfortable our guards get down and we allow ourselves to start up again...what do I do?? How do I set boundaries and work to keep them? I do care for him and he cares for me...we are friends and want to maintain our friendship, is this possible? Please help me...abby1118
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): you are playing with fire dear married abby. wonder what your hb will do when he finds out that you are playing around with your boss. and have you thought about his wife? from your words you actually depict a woman who is straying or who has already. you are not committed to your hb and marriage. to you this is one big game, illicit and convenient - working away with the boss, travelling together and a good f*ck before going home to your hb. wonder what hubby will say when he smells your boss on you. you are not committed to this marriage and you know it. you are actually delusional to think that you and the married boss can just be friends. you know that you want to f*ck him and you care nothing of any consequences. and trust me, there will be consequences. you both are playing a dangerous game with no boundaries and no thoughts of your faithful spouses.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 The problem seems to have all started when you began going to the bar with your boss. That's not the type of relationship I have with my boss, so the bells and whistles should've gone off when he invited you to have a drink; you should have said No. Now it will be almost impossible to retrack unless you are very strong. Maybe you should consider changing jobs, or switching departments or moving to another branch location within the company if possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): He sounds predatory. He is the one who approached not just randomly but by knocking at your door. That is not impulsive. So he is not going to end it. You will need to. Change your job.. start applying in other places. And when you are travelling with him do not go drinking. Make sure your evenings are planned apart from each other. Maybe find a few friends before you go or plan to go to a museum or read a book in a park! Have a friend or your husband call you up every night when you travelling(I hope you have friends who will do it)...You drifted into this. Now you need conscious planning so you don't create situations where you just drift back into it.
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A
female
reader, sick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
get a new job. trust me, this will get ugly.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 I would not mention anything to my boss. The more you talk about it the more it's in your heads. Just stop when you cross danger zones and think about your husband and his wife both crying like babies if they both knew. Just pretend it never happened. Do the fun things with your husband, that's what a husband is for. If you want to maintain friendship then introduce your husband to him and suggest a double date, that way you know who his wife is. If you could only be friends one on one then you are just heading for trouble.
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