A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, thank you for taking the time to read this... I really want to break up with my long-term boyfriend, mainly because I don't think that our relationship is healthy. He is jealous and paranoid. I have tried my hardest to make him feel secure about himself; I am always complimenting him, and displaying that I care for him. I don't think it is enough, though, so I am giving up. I don't think I deserve to deal with someone who is unresponsive to my affection. My efforts are in vain; he will never trust me, and I don't think it is healthy for me to be with someone that doesn't trust me, even though I have never been unfaithful!My biggest problem is, I am worried about my safety. He has told me stories of how vengeful he can get. He has joked around about what he would do if I were to break up with him, such as ways he would turn my friends against me, or or embarrass me. But I don't find it funny. I would be surprised if anyone did. I worry that if I break up with him, I will find my car windows smashed in, or that he will send my (pornographic) pictures to my friends and family. I worry that he will not respect my decision. I have been with him for so long. Basically, I know how he would react, and I am scared of what he will do to me. I really would love to know, is there anything that I can do to ensure that I am safe after I break up with him? How can I avoid his wrath? Do I sound too paranoid, considering the situation, or am I justified?
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GreenTea +, writes (20 July 2007):
If you are worried about your own protection just have friends with you a lot. specifically stronger male friends. and if needed dont wait to call the police.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Jealousy is not a sign of love, and neither is his threatenings that in case of a break-up he'd turn everyone against you or make you feel embarassing. By continuing this relationship you're practically giving in to his unacceptable treatment. He is not in love, perhaps only obsessed with you. You should ask him for a pause and emphasize upon the idea that it may be beneficial for both of you. Since he's been given you reasons to be scared of him, I'd suggest you to take precautions, as giving him the news with your family somewhere in the premises; avoid dark lonely places and other such circumstances he'd find favourable for his being vengeful. You shouldn't give in to his blackmails. You say he has in his possession intimate pictures, that can well be altered - we're in the Informatics era, such "evidence" can be manufactured. If he will want to proceed to making them public, there are ultimately programs that can attach a head to a naked body, only it requires certain meticulousness, but it's good to know that. In the last instance, nobody should be intimidated to be held hostage in a relationship that doesn't suit him/her. Just be prudent after you communicate your decision to him. And the juridical mediation the other aunt suggested is a good idea...
...............................
A
female
reader, Angel Whispers  +, writes (20 July 2007):
Been there /worn the t-shirt. It may be a good idea to consult a solicitor for advice as to sending him a letter telling him you will start injunction precedings, if he begins doing any of the things he has threatened. 99% of these abusive men stop after receiving a solicitor's letter. Tell him you are ending the relationship because of his controlling behaviour but expoect him to say he is sorry and he will never do it again. He will almost certainly still do it again if you have him back.
The solicitor's letter did the trick for me when an ex boyfriend refused to accept that I was ending the relationship.
Beware though as they can become physically abusive and may stalk you.
Good Luck
...............................
|
