A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 got married 3 months ago and im 10 weeks pregnant. Which is meant to be one of the happiest times in my life turns out to be one of the most hardest times I've ever had to face so far. Life began to spiral downwards really since the death of my father last October. Family divided, I learnt people I once trusted were the ones the stabbed me in the back most and let downs have just been constantly happening. I was previously pregnant before I got married, the stress of the wedding from having no one to help me along with many other bad situations made me misscarry my first angel. Heartbreaking isnt even enough to describe how it felt. On my wedding day Family fought over the wrong things, my mother was down my back about not buying her the stockings which I forgot, and well family were more interested in Alcohol its how it is, leaving me really sad that morning , to be honest I woke up and thought wow its my wedding day and I dont feel like it at all! I ended up trying to soak in what excitement I had in the 20 minute shower. I didnt put on my dress till last minute because they make me feel so awkward, the only one who told me i looked nice was my two nieces who were 12 and 4 years old :( Expressing happiness is something hard for me to do infront of my family as they are usually always depressed and angry. All i wanted to do that morning was get to the church as fast as possible away from them as they always make me feel so crap. I always thought the morning of my wedding that my mom would say shes proud and that i looked beautiful but she didnt say nothing to me which really hurt, I didnt lose the weight I had hoped for my wedding so I didnt feel beautiful on the day and between the band showing late and hotel getting all the little details incorrect it really affected me as I tried so hard to get everything right. Don't get me wrong , marrying the love of my life means more to me but its just little things that went wrong just hurt me, then the honeymoon started and on before our flight I misscarried the baby in the airport toilets leaving me in floods of tears, miscarriage is heartbreaking!! and now that we are back from our honeymoon , I got pregnant again however this time WE ARE BROKE, it wasnt expected and right now its so hard because we are living with my mother. We have been living there for almost 10 months. We had planned to move out the second we married we even had our fund saved, but due to mishappenings it all went on our wedding and bills. We even had to cancel the second part of our trip as we didnt have the money after planning it for months. Now I am 10 weeks pregnant living in a single bed with springs up my back, constantly exhausted, hiding my morning sickness by going outside everyday in fear my mom will find out and just really not enjoying the most magical time of my life. Things are so hard and I am trying so much to stay positive for this baby but its so hard when I've had so much unhappiness and living very discomforting and sad. My husband is busting his ass off with our business but its just not making the money. My mother constantly digs at me that I am spoiled I have a great life but sometimes I want to scream HOW? We sleep in a little broken single bed in so much discomfort, we have no money we don't do anything because we cant afford it? HOW? I just want to sleep in a proper bed and have space but its impossible when we have such little money. The reason I wont tell anyone im pregnant is because I dont want anyone to take away the one piece of happiness that me and my husband have, because my family are so negative. How do I stay positive anymore? All i want is to be able to provide a life for my baby , right now I can't even afford to look after myself. I would not have had a baby had I known we would hit a wall like this, now I feel guilty for the baby :( How do we get over this rock?
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female
reader, deirdre +, writes (4 September 2016):
Congratulations on your wedding, I am sorry to hear that it wasnt what you had hoped for. Families can often be toxic and it is very hard to move past it as it really affects you mentally. I think you would benefit from talking to a pregnancy counsellor, try contacting CURA or the Family Planning Clinic would have numbers of similar organisations who would lend a sympathetic ear. The miscarriage was a life changing event and it sounds like you dont have anyone to talk to about it. These services are free.
Regarding the living situation, unless you are moving out soon I advice you to get a new mattress. Try local charity shops, they often get them in very good condition and it would be cheaper than buying new. You are broke but having a comfortable bed is important. Start looking for a job, even part time is better than nothing. Petrol stations, McDonalds and cafes are always looking for waiting staff and making minimum wage is better than nothing at all. Dont tell them you are pregnant, you can always pretend you found out later in the pregnancy. You need to find some work before it is to late.
Do you and your husband have a plan to move out, if so when? It sounds like you will need to find your own place before the baby is born, a room with a single bed is presumably not very big and sleeping with another person in a single bed doesnt sound like a long term option. Dont be afraid to reach out for help, good luck
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (22 August 2016):
 I am sorry about your miscarriage, it must have been difficult for you to have to go through that, it really is tough.
Your family being negative is a reason for you to be even more positive, but someone it does not show in this post, you let the little things upset you on your wedding day, you should have been over the moon that you where marrying your husband, it should not have mattered that nobody complimented you or that the band was late, the hotel got things wrong, you got married to the man you love, and that should have been enough reason to smile. We can live our lives being negative and feeling sorry for ourselves or we can make the most of what we have.
Your mum is allowing you and your husband to stay, which is very generous off her even if it is just a single bed. It is still a roof over your head and food on the table.
If the business is not working then you both need to be out looking for work. You need to stop looking at the world like it is against you and try and make money by looking for work, try every day to find a job. You are very young and I know this is a lot of responsibility but you are going to be a mother soon and you need to focus on that.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 August 2016):
 I'm so sorry about your miscarriage.As for getting out of this, you need to both have jobs, not just the business - if it isn't paying the bills, it isn't working and you need a Plan B. This baby is coming, so you have 7ish months to set yourselves up. Look for the cheapest houses/apartments, even if it's one bedroom and you and your boyfriend sleep on a pull-out sofa when the baby arrives. You learn to make do without the toxic influence of your family.Don't focus on the negative, just be realistic, so that you can find out how to get through this.
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