A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend says that i appear to have lost confidence. The confidence that i had when we first met, that made her interested in me. Now i won't lie, this is the first, HEALTHY relationship i've been in years. my past 3 serious relationships ended with me being cheated on and under-appreciated. My current girlfriend is the opposite of my previous girlfriends. She's supportive, caring, appreciative, and most importantly for me, intelligent. I fear that my loss of confidence is because of fear of losing her. I do trust her, but i am scared i'm going to screw it up. Is there any advice to get over this lost confidence in myself as a boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate all the help everyone has offered. Most of it was very insightful. I am sure with your advice, i will be on my way to my old self very soon. Thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to answer Brea,
We've been together 4 months and we aren't living together. We have both met each others parents. I don't doubt that its because i have settled down some.
To answer Annalisa,
She hasnt changed at all, and this isn't something that she told me because we were fighting or anything of the sort. our relationship is amazing, we talk things out and rarely does anyone actually have a blow up. I believe she did me a favor by telling me this, b/c deep down, i would have hated to have become a spineless worm that she can walk all over.
my confidence, or rather, lack there of, does not stop me from trusting her. I have no problems with her talking to guys or anything. after talking at further length with my girlfriend she attributes my confidence to my assertiveness when we courted. something i have noticed i lost a bit.
All these answers have been great, actually i found, that i maybe i should have given more background to my initial question. but thank you guys for your help so far. hope this answers some questions
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I'll tell you why you lost confidence.
Your last she-demons have sucked the life-force out of you.
And now you have a she-angel and you should let her breathe it back into you.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Well firstly, you said it yourself that she is different from your past girlfriends so this in itself should give you a little vote of confidence because if she is different then her behaviour where cheating is concerned will probably be different also. Also, if you found it in yourself to be confident in your relationship at the beginning even though you had been cheated on, you should definately be able to recapture this confidence now because if anything it is the BEGINNING of the relationship where you would be less confident because you don't have as much trust for the person you are in a new relationship with. Finally, I think you should just talk to your girlfriend. Tell her your fears and the reason you are less confident may just be the fear of losing her and you are scared of getting hurt again. Tell her you just need a bit of reassurance that shes not going anywhere, thats all, and your confidence in the relationship and also in yourself, will be restored. However, make sure you don't make it sound like you think she might cheat on you because then she will think you don't trust her. Good luck!! xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Well congradulations on finding a good mate; she sounds very mature.
This confidence thing will have to be dealt with by you, somehow, you will have to think through why you feel this way, and whether or not there is any basis to it. If you find it is because she is beautiful, then is she the type to flirt when she is given attention by other men. If so, then talk with her about it, but be very careful, this is where men mess up, and the woman lashes out against him and makes him pay for it by teasing him even more.
If she isn't the flirty type, then you need to recognize this, and prove to yourself that you have nothing to worry about. This could take time, convincing yourself is no different in convincing someone else, it takes just the right words to reach the heart and soul.
Remember that in your last relationships, you probably saw trouble coming, or sensed something was not right. When this happens, you need to stand up and take action. It is better to break it off early, then to get attached and devestated when your dropped.
Take care, and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): the reason you are so inconfident is prolly because you dont think you are.
maybe you arent as confident as your were when you met her because you have settled down some.
how long have you been dating?
do you live together?
have you met her parents and vice versa?
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