A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, this question's something a bit different, but still relationships-focused, here goes.I'm 28, been single for 6 years now, last relationship was in March 2008 (it was a 2 1/2 year long one), so you can see just how long ago that was. It ended due to distance - the girl moved to another part of the UK for a job opportunity so there was no cheating etc. or anything like that to end the relationship.However, in the past few years, I haven't really had much chance to date, after taking a fair bit of time to re-enjoy single life (2009-13) and being busy with family, work, friends, travel etc. so I haven't had that much time./I've been Googling "re-boot your dating confidence" and having a think about my options for dating after a long while of being single.These were what I considered:1. Dating site. Profiles online, but I was put off when a more tech-savvy friend who does some work in IT said to me that a lot of profiles are either astroturfing or fake, and the risk of spam/scams is active, and he said he didn't use them himself, but had done his research and that he wasn't trying to scare me, more a "use at your own risk"2. Meeting at work - However, my job prohibits this but the payoff is that my job is satisfying that I've decided to leave work friendships as just that, friendships3. Dating agency. Seems more personal, and you have to deal with staff (from what I read on a dating advice blog), but cost is the big worry (I'm working class), some charge up to £795 (that's like $1,330 USD) which is a lot though; are there any which are cheaper, but offer good quality service.What should I do?any advice appreciated
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): I took the same amount of time off as you did after my partner passed away in 2006. I just kept busy, took classes,
hung around with friends, went on group-vacations, went to concerts, and plays.
If I happened to meet someone along the way; we exchanged numbers and maybe went to dinner and on dates. Guy's I've met have become very good friends. Don't always expect a romantic relationship to result. That will take a lot of urgency and pressure out of meeting people. You enjoy the company as it comes. Relax! The point is to have some fun doing it.
Remember, 8-years ago you met a lady somehow. That hasn't changed. They're still readily available to meet on a walk in the park,at a live-concert, a casual flirt strolling through the mall, and in exercise classes.
Just be open-minded and confident. Make yourself visible and available. Say hello to random pretty ladies; checking the ring-finger first, to be sure there is no wedding or engagement ring. Hold a door, give up your seat on a bus or train. Be friendly when waiting in line at the grocer or
the bank. Let a pretty lady ahead of you in line.
I'm gay, so it's slightly different for me. I do volunteer work. I donate my time to church-causes, and I'm involved in political campaigns during voting season. I'm not taking credit for all this. It was pushed upon me.
My late-partner always insisted I should be more social. I'd rather sit cozy at home. His prodding me to go out prepared me when he unexpectedly passed away. It was as though he was prepping me for his departure.
This gives me a lot of exposure. I network a lot; so I'm always around people. I entertain; so I also get a lot of reciprocal invitations to socials, parties, and events.
I'm also on a social mailing-list. I get out once or twice a month to gay-hosted events. They are often fund-raisers.
So I meet people, and do good for charity.
I also have busy-body straight lady-friends who fix me up with gay gentlemen they think would be nice for me to meet. They've got great taste, and it has been very nice; but I like meeting people on my own.
I don't discourage their help; I just hope they don't raise anyone's expectations. I might not be their type, or they're not mine. I never agree to blind-dates. I like to be introduced first, and I'll decide if I want to date.
Use every available resource.
Take a yoga or cooking-class. You'll be a hit, if you're the only single-guy there. You'll benefit from these classes, whether you meet someone or not. It's good to have an activity where you're making personal-improvements and incidentally meeting people and making friends. Friends lead to more friends, and you end up connecting with eligible-women. If you learn to do fancy cooking; you'll be able to invite a lady over for a gourmet meal.
I'm now chatting with someone I met on the gay bowling league. I fill-in as an alternate-bowler when someone needs to be out. Recently, someone bought me a beer. He sat and we talked. We've gone out for dinner. A play is coming to town in a few weeks, we plan to attend together. I don't pressure anything with anticipation; although I am excited.
He is very nice and loves my lay-back style. We're both mature men; so we're beyond games, and all that stupid junk.
You just have to keep active socially, and be available. You'll meet nice people. Don't limit by gender. One connection leads to another. A guy will introduce you to his girlfriend's friend, his sister, or his cute neighbor.
Make friends. Don't approach it like a mission. Let it be fun, allow nature to take it's course. It's a matter of timing and availability. Don't haunt bars and clubs, branch out to different venues. Antique sales, fairs, street bazaars, wherever groups of people in their 20's and 30's are likely to show up.
Good luck, my friend!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 April 2014):
 I think you are missing the best way to meet people. Recruit your friends and family to help you find someone! Tell your friends and family that you are ready to date again and want to find someone who is compatible with you. Get them to do the finding process and then you can go out on dates and get to the know the women they have found for you.
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