A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've always been such a strong and independant person.But the break up of a relationship in December seemed to start the beginning of a downward depression cycle.My ex boyfriend and I lived together, and I left the house we shared to move back home, so that was a big upheaval. He dumped me, for seemingly no reason - I don't know why or what I did. I do know he can't handle pressure though.He recently tried to hook up with me as a friend with benefits, which threw my emotions because I thought I was over him and now I feel back to square one. It hurt that he didn't want a relationship, just everything else but with no commitment on his part.I left a career that was making me feel unhappy to go back to university to retrain. I got into the course on a conditional offer that I pass an exam, which I took last week and feel that I failed. I feel like a failure, I've always had a direction for my life and now I feel lost.I feel like my friends have their own lives and no time for me - all my close girlfriends are either newly married, living with their partners or have just had children - they don't want to do the things I want to do, like go out drinking, meet new men etc. I crave "girlie" nights out, and fun.I can't help but hate myself. I feel repulsive, ugly. I know deep down that I am not unnattractive, I am pretty, blonde, size 8-10. But like I said, I feel disgusting. Every little flaw on my body feels magnified and I dwell on it.I don't know what to do with myself. I have never felt like this, I don't know what help I need, how do I pull myself out of this black hole?
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female
reader, Light  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Stay positive, stay focused and listen to the advice of the first person who told you to go and swim/cycle......It does work......All the best
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 April 2008):
 I know exactly how you feel, and it is a scary feeling - but please believe you can and will get out of this.
I won't go into details of how I got to feeling the same, because in a way the reasons don't help - yes, it's awful he dumped you like that, incredibly painful, and there's nothing you can do about it, which is equally awful. He IS the main cause of it, for certain, and the loss of that sense of direction, sense of self, and sense of your own value and self-worth. Basically, you've been thrown away, and it makes you feel as if you're worth nothing. I know.
Reasons aside, the only way I know through it is this: it is simple, and so simple you might not believe it, but hey, it works for me, so may be worth a try for you. Thinking about things, analysing them, etc etc, doesn't work - it just makes things worse in my experience. So you need to clear yourself of all that negativity. My method: stacks of physical exercise. Cycle everywhere. And go swimming every morning or lunchtime and/or evening. Morning or lunch best, though. Actually, I think lunchtime best. And I mean really swim - really do as many lengths, as fast as you can, and exhaust yourself. You need to reconnect with yourself, with the strong life that you are, and once you do that, everything else will fall into place. You need your inner strength back.
And you'll also find that after a few lengths you get into a kind of almost meditative state. You may start mulling things over that have happened, but you'll come up with good answers, and be able to see your way through things. And I PROMISE it will all increase your sex drive and sense of physical attractiveness! Every time you get out of that pool you'll be walking taller. And then you need to spend half an hour pampering yourself ... looking after yourself. Body scrubs. Nice shampoo. Body lotion. Pretty underwear. Drying your hair until it's really dry ... all of these things are implicitly valueing yourself. Do it every day. And I swear you'll start to feel better and better, even just from the first swim. And you'll build up your resistance to life.
I am so sorry you're going through this, but please believe it will pass, and the swimming/cycling thing might sound too easy, or too crazy, but I promise, it really works. What have you got to lose? : )
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 April 2008):
Anyone who comes out of an exam thinking they've done well has usually failed it.
You probably haven't done as badly as you think, and even if you didn't get the grade you needed, if you ring the university they may still let you in anyway.
It's called "Clearing" go on the Ucas website and you will find out all about it.
Uni is a great idea for you as you will meet loads of cool people and make lots of new friends. Join loads of societies, that's where I met my friends.
You haven't said what new career you want but it's a great idea.
Keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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