A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, well me and boyfriend have been online dating for almost six months now. I truly love him and he loves me, or so he says. We know each others faults- for example, my pessimism- and we look past that. We are good. But then some days he gives short answers, complains but when I ask after him, snaps at me that nothing is wrong and all that. I don't really mind that, I would love to help him get things off his chest, but he doesn't let me do that either.I used to worry that he was annoyed by me, and I looked up all these ways that I could help add spice to 'us' but there's not much for a welsh guy and a Canadian girl to do together. And then there are the multitudes of site saying that I have to make him chase me and have a life and others. I do haves life, but is it wrong or me to be available almost every night?So, my question REALLY is:A) how do I play the game, like avoid him- how? Reply after half an hour? Go weeks without talking? How do I avoid him?And B) what else could I do to make us work like we should? (AND HOW) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 You need to look at this as on online friendship and nothing more. Online friendships and relationships can serve a purpose, but they are ONLINE. You have not met the person and even though you think you know all his faults, you have not observed them. You have to believe what he tells you which could be greatly inflated so that he looks good online. I am not saying your guy lies to you, but you have to understand that it is hard enough having a real relationship with someone in real life let alone online. It is wrong for you to sit at your computer and focus your whole life around someone you barely know. I know you think you know him, but honestly you don't. Please do not place so much emphasis on online relationships. Yes, they can serve a purpose, but you should not focus your entire life on them. Do you honestly believe he's willing to wait for you? He may say that, but is he being honest. Do you even know for certain that he uses his real name and is giving you real information online? No, you don't. Please get out and life a REAL life. Do not waste your life away having cyber relationships.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Actually 16 is a bit different there is a lot of growth being done at your age… he’s 18 and that’s also a bit different even…
You like him
He likes you that’s GREAT… you like each other and that’s awesome… BUT again honey you met ONLINE an have NO shot at meeting each other for years… I’d still be careful about calling him your “boyfriend”…
YOU are NOT A LOSER… do you feel needy? Does he call you needy? If you are ok with your level of contact and he’s ok with it then it works for YOU two and don’t worry what those other sites say…
The fact that he’s “willing to wait a few years” does not change that you two are very young to be so far apart having never met to “wait for each other” do not lock yourselves up like that…. It will lead to heart break… be friends but leave the doors open for you to meet others because that’s probably what will happen especially when you go to college…
When my fiancé and I were LDR we had already met each other IRL at a convention… thankfully we were only 2 hours apart and we could make this work… but we are much much older, more settled, knew each other IRL and were able to meet IRL every weekend till we moved in together.
While we were apart we had daily contact because I needed/wanted that but some days it was only a few minutes… DO NOT be sitting around doing NOTHING IRL to make time to be with someone online….
Touch base when you can even if it’s only for a few minutes but don’t stop doing things at school or with your friends and do not lock yourself away and “wait for each other” that’s just not realistic.
I am not saying do not be friends… but be realistic…
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. You're right, maybe I am too young (although I am sixteen, dunno why it just goes up to fifteen. Not too big a diff anyways). To be honest, I really really like him. I guess I didn't really make it come out right. The way it is worded I guess it sounds like he is the baddy. I didnt belive in love, and I still claim not to. But I love talking to him he's said he loves me (he's eighteen btw) and when I say that I feel it too, I genuinely believe it. Either I become a pathological liar behind a keyboard, or I have feelings for him. By spice, I feel like I just got a little influenced by the sites that offer stupid advice to losers like me. And I am happy that my guy likes me being clingy, so I don't feel pressurised to talk I him online. I guess what u really wanted to know was that am I being too needy, the way all those other sites say I am? And although we live across a LOT of water, we don't really care. He's willing to wait for me and he is very eager to meet me in a few years time. He really does seem to care for me. Does this change things?Thank you to all of you for taking the time to answer!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2012):
You can’t and should not force this. You can’t “make it work like it should”. There is no should or should not in relationships… the rules will vary for each relationship.
You are young… 15 at the most if the age is right… LOOKING PAST faults is not good… accepting them… well if your eyes are wide open and you know what you are doing then maybe… but at 15 you should NOT be settling for someone with faults so glaring that you already know you look past them.
There is no SPICE to be added to a relationship at your age… if he’s Welsh and you are Canadian you are very far apart… when do you plan to meet? IF you have no plans to meet then I’d not even call him a boyfriend.. he’s an online friend.
Are you available every night…. Sitting around with your program open, waiting for him, hoping he’ll IM you?
This is NOT a game… the fact that you ask “how do I play the game” tells me you don’t grasp that adult romance is NOT a game it’s a serious thing eventually… as a teen you should be out there meeting folks and figuring yourself out.. not sitting home hoping a moody boy across the world will talk to you….
So do you start the conversations, do you keep them going… you say you love him… but you can’t love him if you are never with him… you say he says he loves you but I don’t think you believe him…
I had a husband who always said I love you… but he didn’t really because he doesn’t know what that really means. My current partner never says I love you but he loves me so much… and I know this.. how he acts… things he does… other things he says… how do you know you two love each other…
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 June 2012):
Have you actually met this person? IMO finding relationships online is a very dangerous endeavour. Proceed accordingly.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 How far are you apart and is there an end to this online thing when you actually meet in person? If it is online how can you do things together?
There is nothing wrong with being available every night. If he is quiet, then stop calling him. Let him call you first. If he does not call you for a week assume it is over. You don't avoid him because he is not even in your life.
You tell him you want a real relationship, not a talking relationship. If there are no plans to meet then you are not interested. I don't believe in those websites which tell you to play hard to get. With the distance you are already hard to get. Online relationships are for people who don't have the money and time to actually date, but would settle for a fantasy in the head. Those websites exploit women's insecurities and make them feel there is something wrong with being a woman and expressing emotional needs, and that if a relationship does not go well it is always a woman's fault. Instead of the title how to play the game, those websites should really be titled how to keep an unavailable men and how to shortchange yourself. In a relationship you are both equal and you share the best you have. When you use the word keep him it implies it is unequal, right? Like the guy has the power over you. Stop giving him any thought. He is not giving you what you need, so stop working so hard at it.
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