A
female
age
36-40,
*etrayednowdepressed
writes:I just started to first step to getting out of a rough relationship and marriage. For year, I lived with verbal beatings, constant put downs, threats, and lies. For years I was told what I could and couldnt eat... I was getting disgusting to him and it was driving him crazy. I'd ask for a couple of peanuts, he would bring me up a small cup of sugar free jello. He counted how many pieces of gum I would chew at one time. The worst of it started when he started blaming me for my weight, he told me I was a broken woman and he doesnt think he could handle me anymore. Then afterwards, he distance himself.. he constantly made me re-evaluate myself trying to figure out what is wrong with me. We started to not talk. He started to angry and violent. Punching holes in walls, threatening to strangle me, getting the car up to 80 mph on a 30mph road and threatening to crash me into a cement embankment. 3 days before the worst day of my life, I almost got into a terrible car accident. I called him to let him know, that he should drop this, I need him, the roads are bad and in case something happens, we should be getting along and care about each other. He still didnt care... a ride that normally takes me 30 minutes to get home... took me 6 hours. To see if he even cared, I went and parked me car in a parking lot and waited... not a single call. I was his wife, someone he was supposed to love and care about... I come home crying, begging him to be there for me, to quit this. Why cant he just care.. thats all I can remember repeating to him... and he would tell me... "Because you make me not want to care. You are a broken woman, you have too much baggage and emotional problems, you've let yourself go, if you could just lose weight.. thats all I ask.. I dont ask dont much of you.. if you could just lose weight." I'm not some 300 lb girl. I'm not even over 200lbs. From depression now, I'm nearing the 200lbs... but at the time, I was 160, so I was pretty average. He quits talking to me.. we sleep in seperate rooms, he goes to sleep soundly, as I lay downstairs on the couch crying all night, he can hear me when he gets up throughout the night, but still just left down there to cry. Valentines day arrives, I go to the hosptial because my step dad was getting a polyp removed from his sinus.. turns out it was a massive cancerous tumor that took over his entire sinus cavity. My husband was still ignoring me. I had sent my husband a nice valentines present to his work.. and I didnt recieve a single call. After hours of crying over my step-dad, my anger for my husband kicked in. I drove all the way to my house from my mom's, but my husband didnt hear me come in. I saw my bedroom door locked with light on. I was afraid he was having an affair on me. I kicked the door open, and standing there was my husband, posing in my mirror, in my clothes. I lived with him for 4 years, and never once suspected. He told me he dressed because I let myself go.. if I could just lose weight and dress in short skirts and pigtails, he wouldnt need to. He make him crazy.. I heard so many excuses trying to understand this and get him help. Trying to get him to a counselor, even if it couldnt make it go away, to figure out a way for him to be able to deal with it. I couldnt. All I do is read online about people accepting it... people criticizing women like me who cant deal with it. To this day, I have him crying to me, get angry with me, threatening me... rubbing our vows in my face... "FOR BETTER OR WORSE..." He said that me with a straight face right in my eyes... the entire time he knew what I didnt. After spending 8 months with him trying to get him better, I find out he is talking to an ex-girlfriend behind my back... one he has a reputation of running back to. So I finally had enough, and moved out. And I'll be honest, that arguement ended with me getting violent. I hit him a guitar. I got my own apartment now, a new job, and am trying to be self-supporting, go to school, and still deal with family issues and my dad now having kidney cancer. All I do is go to work, lay at home, cry, eat sweets, and sleep. I'm on depression medication, but it doesnt to seem to touch it. I want so badly to move on and let it go.. thats all my family keeps judging me by.. just dont think about it.. just forget about it.. quit worrying about him... I see other guys, thinking of a future family.. and everytime I start considering talking to one... I start picturing him turning into my husband. How can I move on? What do I do to make this go away? Why do I feel like I am doing wrong by him? Why am I the one frowned at for leaving him? I want so badly to have a happy life and to start new... but the past just blocks it. How do I start over? How do I pick myself up? I need help. I need advice and support. My family isnt there to support me. Any help would be appreciated.. Im lost.
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affair, ex girlfriend, lose weight, move on, moved out, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Vow, what a nightmare your life must have been; it is so sad that you had to endure so much; however, I am very happy that you have moved on; it was very brave of you and yes, you are a strong person dealing with al of this on your own; I can understand that you still have problems with what happened; emotional scarrs don't heal overnight, it takes time; sometimes even years;
I do suggest that you get profesional counselling; it will help you to deal with all the pain and trauma you have suffered a lot better; it will help you to resolve the past issues and most important it will assist you in building up your self confidence and self image;
ALways remember to be kind to yourself; to love yourself; you are special and unique and there is a guy out there that will value you for who you are;
you have done so much already, you have come this far; now get some counselling to help you to fianlly close the door on the past and all the nightmare memories;
Be strong and best of wishes;
Keep us posted.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I'm not frowning at you for leaving him! I'm applauding you!!!!!!
Hunny, you are stronger than you know. I can't believe what you put up with. That wasn't love, that was a nightmare that you are well out of. You deserve better.
If you can't get past this after starting your life over, get some counseling to sort yourself out. You are worth it.
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