A
female
age
51-59,
*hippy2
writes:Please give me some honest advice - I am with a guy and I have written before - we have been together three years this past week he has been acting weird - I was upset with him cause he was using the phone I pay for to text his ex-fiance - Anyway, I spent all weekend with him helping him at his house and he was acting odd still - I just looked on the dating sites that he has not been on in awhile( like a month) and he was on 4 days ago!I know you all told me to get out of this - but how do I do it? He makes plans like we are gonna be together and told me today how comfy he is with me - all his friends say what a good woman I am He is pissy also cause he paid my way to Jamaica in January. I didnt even want to go - then after he invited me he told me he was taking his girls - Grrr his credit card bill is high and he recently asked me to help him - WHAT? I said I couldnt and that his bill wouldnt be so high if he would not have taken the girls and that he keeps buying them stuff - He has been increasingly mean to me - name calling and promises he wont keep - But the text and now the internet dating sites again? How do I phrase it so he knows he is losing a good woman - does he even care that he is? Do I ever give him another chance?I am so disappointed in him - Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (5 May 2008):
Actions speak louder then words. Watch how he acts and behaves rather then focusing so much on what he says. Anyone can say I love you and we will be together forever...but to actally love somoene and make the relationship last forever, is a different story.
It seems to me your bf is saying all these things to make you stay with him but he isnt following through with his claims and so on. His behaviour suggests something very different to what his words are.
I get the feeling he is abusive. Abusers often do what I mentioned above and then I read later on in your post that he is mean to you can calls you name! Thats def abuse.
His contact with his ex fiance can be seen as disrespectful in most cases. What is his reason? Unless they share kids, I dont see any important reason why he should really contact her, especially on a phone you pay for. As for the internet dating websites...that makes him seem very suss and I would be very upset if I was you if he was doing that to me. One of the reasons he may be doing it is because he is probably VERY insecure (abusers always are), so maybe he likes the attention he gets on his internet dating profile from other females.
I really dont think this relationship sounds like a good one.
Does he care if he loses you? Thats a hard question because abusers are pretty self centrered, all they care about really is themself and if they are geting what they want from the person. Its not that he doesnt care about you personally, its that he doesnt probably care aout anyone in generally really, besides for himself!
You are a good person, you dont need to prove it to him!!! You deserve alot better. Prove to yourself that you are so much better then him by leaving him. Finding the strength and self value to leave him is a huge way of showing what a good and high valued person you are.
Hope this has helped :)
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