A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am currently dating my gf of 7 months. She cheated on her last bf of a few years and that relationship ended mostly due to that. Shortly after she remained in contact with the guy she cheated on her ex wit and had given her virginity to this same guy. A few weeks after that her and i met and started "talking". She was single, i was single. And due to how myself who is still a virgin, I had always thought girls liked a guy with "game" so i used to portray like i was some pimp going out and hooking up with other girls in addition to her, "living the single life and having fun" when in reality she was the only girl that i had even kissed from the second her and i started talking. I would ask her if she wanted to go on dates but she would always say no, and was just interested in going out and having fun. So this was why i used the "game" theory of pretending i was pimping, since i thought girls were attracted to that. We were like friends with benefits, except i liked her alot more. And at the time she was hooking up with both myself and the guy that she cheated on her ex with. But after a couple weeks of that guy out of the picture and just me, i asked her out. She said no she wasnt ready for a serious relationship. then. 2 weeks later she said yes. After a couple arguments in the very beginning of our relationship she has had no further contact with this guy, or any exs period. she has deleted numbers, friends from facebook etc. My issue now is we are in love with each other her and i. and it is very hard to separate what she was doing when we were single, (hooking up with this other guy while still kissing me during the same time frame) while i had just kissed her while her and i were talking. This girl is very special to me and has a heart of gold and would never intentionally hurt somebody, i believe that she has learned from her mistakes and has made her who she is today. But How do i overcome these bad thoughts that pop into my head???? please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 November 2012):
 I don't think you can magically get over your fears of your girlfriend going back to the other guy.
It sounds like you are still fairly new to one another and your relationship's trust level isn't quite yet to the point where you can implicitly trust each other. Especially given her history and the way she was seeing both you and her previous boyfriend at the same time. Your fears are completely warranted and understandable.
However, if you love one another as much as you say you do and you are meant to be, she'll stick it out with you. If not, then you should be thankful that you find out sooner, rather than later (when perhaps you are married or have children) that she is a two-timer.
Next time you feel anxious over it, realize you are powerless over her actions. If she is hell bent on cheating, she'll do it whether you are the perfect boyfriend or not. I suggest you learn the serenity prayer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer. Sometimes by just saying it, it will put you back into a positive frame of mind and hopefully alleviate your fears.
Eddie
A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (21 November 2012):
 First off I would come clean that your not the player that you claimed to be, be honest with her and tell her how u really felt, I think she will appreciate the honesty and will probably feel a lot more special to you, after this long I don't think there's any need to try and impress with braggadocio.
If anyone says they never have doubts or worries, they are lying. It's just normal, but what you have to focus on is the 'here and now' not the past, you said yourself how great she is, give this girl all of your trust until she gives u reason not too
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