A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My other half is currently in the Army. He's preparing to go to Iraq, he'll be leaving in June 2008 until September 2009. This will be his second time.We've conversated on a few things. One of the topic was my exes. What happened? Why this? Why that? With his past situations, the females always found someone else to fulfill that companion role while he was gone. He would get the bad news in an email, by letter or when he got back from where ever he was deployed to. I didn't pick up my phone last night because I feel asleep with my daughter. I put my phone on vibrate because it was time for my daughter to go to bed. I admit, my daughter have odd hours of going to bed, meaning late. She's holding at two years old and of course, she needs to have a routine bedtime. However, because I didn't pick up my phone last night, he ASSUMES I had a man over my house. We both lives in different states and thoughts like that came across of who does he have at his house but I have to learn how to trust him. TRUST is really a big issue to him. I've been trying to tell him to trust me but he assumes a whole lot. Now, he just wants to become friends. With all that in mind, I asked him if he had anyone else? He mentioned no. And how am I suppose to know that? I don't. But I have to learn how to trust him. I apologize if it seems as if I'm repeating myself. My frustration is towards his hypocritical ways of not trusting me. Any advice on how to go about this? What to tell him?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 He is scared and insecure and afraid that other men may tricked or conned you of your love.He thinks you are very vulnerable and with him not there to protect you or fend off those parasitic men.
You need to constantly reassure him and show your care and concern about him. Sometimes, you need to be like a mother to him.
You need to reassure him that you are following his directives. That would make him feel better. Some of those directives may not be appropriate but you do it for his sake.
Just as Shandygirl writes and I agree with her views.
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (26 January 2008):
 He is just scared. Hold steadfast in reassuring him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice.
He'll open up to me however, at times, he kinda holds back. He had mentioned he doesn't want to go to Iraq wondering if I'm with another man. Where's the trust in that?
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (25 January 2008):
Sounds to me as though he adores you, but is afraid of being hurt, so therefore wants to prepare for that hurt by pushing you away. I am quilty of doing that myself, so I am talking from experience.Call him for no reason at all sometimes, just to tell him that you love him and miss him. Send him emails with pictures of yourself. (Sometimes a little naughty, but Not EXPOSING, because whatever you send on the internet, can sometimes be found and viewed by other people.) Send him Love Notes often. Send him intimate text messages. Keep the flame going. It will assure him that you are waiting for him.
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