A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for almost 7 months now, and just yesterday i saw where she had been posting on here and saw that she had posted about having a threesome with another guy, and a girl.I was shocked when i saw this and when confronted about it she lied, lied, and lied some more about it until she finally told me the truth. she had this threesome about 3 weeks after we started dating and in the post says "I don't feel guilty for cheating at all" and another of my favorite quotes "When we had the threesome with my 2 best mates there was no thought of jealously or who could touch who at all. it was a free for all! should i keep having threesomes with shay and chaz for fun? or should I stop and be faithful to a great guy". The whole thing gives me mixed emotions because i really love this girl and it really hurts to find out that she cheated on me, and that she wouldn't admit to it when she was confronted with it. She just kept lying until i finally got it out of her and i feel she was still not telling me the whole truth. I don't know what to do b/c i feel like i cant be with a person who 1. cheats on me 2. cant even be honest with me. What should i do? its a really hard decision for me because i really love her but at the same time, i don't know if shes cheated on me more times than this, and i feel completely betrayed by it, and especially the fact that she was asking if she should stay faithful or should she keep doing it. Any advice would help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): You really are a lovely sounding person. I think your heart will tell you what to do because your head will instruct it. Once this kind of thing has happened and a boundary crossed you would never be able to be sure what she is doing. I honestly think there is not much scope for a future with her. This is very sad because you quite obviously love her. You could say she is being adventurous and trying things while she is young. That is true, but it is also true that she does not have enough invested in your relationship to protect it from threats. It is a greedy kind of naivity. Pressures of this modern day and the attitude that you can have what you want, make people embark on relationships much as they would get a burger. Fast and cheap. Girls who give up and go past the line can’t give what it takes to make a relationship work because they are too easily tempted by the quick rush. Suppose you had a relationship with her for a few years, every time you hit a rough patch you would wonder whether she would be consoling her self with extra activities. She does not sound stable, or up to putting in the hard graft that makes a solid and loving relationship. If she had told you about it at least you would have had the chance to discuss how you feel about fidelity. You could have decided whether based on her honesty you could forgive that one transgression. Now you know she is a liar and will lie to get what she wants. She will put herself first. How would she feel if you were unfaithful to her – I ask because you are supposed to be equal and treating each other as you would be treated.This relationship is one of your formative ones as it is for her. Don’t let your trust get damaged so that you find it hard to trust others later.Do you realise that this is the gift she is placing at your feet? You will always carry this betrayal with you, what a kind thing she has done and I don’t think she has the depth to realise it.It is not as though you are married with kids, which is the time when I would say it would be adviseable to go for counselling etc with her.Be kind to yourself and let her go. She has spoiled your relationship and you deserve better. Who knows, in years to come she may thank you for it. You will certainly thank yourself.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hate to tell ya, man. But You Have TO Kick Her To The Curb. The fact that she proudly stated what went down is only scratching the surface. She lied, so you have no idea what else she was doing as well. If she was wondering aloud about staying faithful "to a great guy" she doesnt think you are all that great. Better to end this RIGHT NOW, because she will leave you wondering,and you will cause yourself much more pain by continung in this relationship. She only told the truth when "pressed". You will probably never know the whole truth.
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