A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Over the past few years , I have been finding it hard to motivate myself , I mean I am in a full time job and that but to actually make myself happy feels almost impossible so I just tend to plod on and then feel bad that I have wasted time . when it comes to thoughts of myself , ie to go for a better paid job , or to push myself to go the gym because I know in the long run it makes me feel better . heck even having confidence to talk to girls .I always put obstacles in front of me , ie I can’t get another job I am hopeless , or what’s the point of going the gym if all I stay in the house and don’t go out much , and then what’s the point of going for the girl , with my low paid job , terrible car and the fact I haven’t got my own place.. Now if somebody else was finding it hard , I can see positives for them and point out the good.. I know it’s probably just life and I should put up with it , but lately I seem to be having digs at myself saying stuff like , you should have your own place now , or if you stuck at the gym 5 years ago you would be happy now , and they are getting to me a lot now .Maybe I have really low self esteem , but how do you motivate yourself if you feel happiness isn’t possible ?Any help appreciated thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): I feel I am a defeatist in regards to myself , I always feel I will fail at most things I attempt. granted their is laziness in their as well , regards to the women, I haven't been great at approaching them but I remember years back I had a longish relationship from 19 where and when was with her of course confidence was high . And as per usual I use to have women hinting towards me , guessing because I was confident and I wasn't interested in dating other people .but when I was with that girl , I use to beat myself up again saying that I wasn't good enough or it wouldn't last .which I was right , she ended up with another person , prob brought on by myself tbf . And in regards to socializing I am not the best even though , and not a lot of people interest me to do so. Yet my job is sales the Irony . I do know going the gym makes you feel good about your self , I had it before .Its my own knocks to myself which annoy me , I will be saying I could of done this for 4 years now I would of been tonk ha .I need to break that social barrier and try to focus on the good things I guess . thanks for the advice guys
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): You make a bucket list and you approach each goal, one item at a time. Put them in the order of importance and strike them off the list, once each item you've listed has been accomplished.
You don't have a lack of faith. You're lazy and complacent.
Letting life pass you by. Your lack of enthusiasm for life and lethargic attitude may be a sign of depression, or a mild social disorder. Anything that has to be performed that requires a lot of energy, you simply talk yourself out of it. You are also avoiding social interaction. See a doctor to rule out depression. A doctor will know if there are any symptoms that might require therapy and/or a prescription.
Do you do drugs or smoke pot? Marijuana is a huge de-motivator! Potheads sit around all-day smoking and toking, and feel totally content doing absolutely nothing. I am not advocating anything against pot-smokers, to each his own. Too much of a good thing has to have a side-effect.
Some people get high, and seem to have agoraphobia. They get paranoid and won't leave the house. Maybe you should
quit, if you do smoke.
I'll say this, if I've said it a million times. Guys who can't connect with women are afraid of females; or are so weird,that women are totally creeped-out in their presence.
It sounds a bit cruel, but some guys are real geeks; and didn't learn the importance of developing social skills. They've devoted too much time gaming; or on devices in a virtual world. Most didn't spend time out with friends or mingling with humanity. They don't know how to fit into mainstream society. That happens when most of your playtime is spent in your room, or the basement of your parent's house. If this applies to you, your priority should be getting your own place, above all things.
The best motivator of all, is joining an activities club.
People who get together and do things. You go online and find a group, signup, and show-up. There will be scheduled things to do that includes all members. Hiking, biking, kayaking, camping, and other group-activities. Most of the time; if you have no friends, you don't feel motivated to do much of anything. That's because loneliness is very depressing. Clubs supply you with friends, and people more like yourself. No one is there to judge. They are all there for the same reason you are.
Your arrested development is curable. You've lived at home too long, and the complacency is over-taking your life.
Laziness has held you back, and you're used to getting away with things; because you always have an excuse.
We're talking AT you. Whether you absorb any advice given is certainly up to you. I expect you to send a lot of excuses explaining why you can't do this, and why that doesn't work. Be that the case, we will realize that you're only venting; and not really appreciating our time taken to offer suggestions that help. Advice is useless unless you put it into practice. Try it before you tell us how is doesn't work. You can't say you've tried; because you've already said you talk yourself out of things.
I hope you will at least get your own place. The freedom will allow you to sense your own independence; and the privacy will be invigorating in itself. Living-out your life as your parent's man-child isn't healthy for you.
Get out of there!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): If you can see the positives for other people then open your eyes and see them for yourself :) You're in a full time job, that's better than some people (obviously referring to the people unwilling to get a job here, not those who struggle to work etc). So it's not the best paid job, does it matter? You're working, you've got that under your belt for a start off. So you don't have a Ferrari or a Range Rover to sport to the world, who cares? At the end of the day, you can drive and you own a car. Girls, ah that ever present question. Not every girl is looking for some high paid business man with a mansion and 10 cars you know. Some girls would rather have a hard working man who sticks at a job and does what he's supposed. The gym, not everything is about being a muscle man. Fitness is important, but you don't have to be some sort of a male model or anything. You don't have to build up your body to show off to the world, you can still be fit or have muscles and stay in the house if that's your choice. I'm fit and healthy but I don't go out flaunting my body, I choose to stay in my own space doing my own thing and enjoying my own time and then occasionally I'll go out to something. And your own place. You're 26-29, sure, some people have their own place by now and some don't, again, it doesn't make all that much of a difference to who you are as a person. As you said, you've got a job, if this is a worry, save up your wages and get yourself a little flat or something, you don't have to go all out for your first place, just find somewhere that you like and settle in to that for a while. Everyone has confidence and faith issues in themselves, it's built in to who we are. If I were in your position and I felt the way you did about myself, I would go out of my way to find a new job. So you say your hopeless. That's not excuse. The only way you can be truly hopeless and fail is if you don't try at all. Get yourself out there and apply for a job you want with the money you want. At the same time, get saving your wages to find your own place, and then get yourself fit, you don't have to be a body builder, just make sure you're healthy and at least doing something to keep yourself well. After you've done these things, you'll start to feel more confident in yourself and then girls will come to you. I have a lot of female friends that all tell me that the most attractive thing about a man is confidence. Not one of them has ever told me that they want a guy with money, a fancy car, a well paid job and a beach body. Sure, they've all said that would be cool and a bonus, but they've all said they're more concerned with confidence and personality. Stop putting yourself down. Look at your life from the outside, evaluate what you have going for you and anything that is a negative, change it.
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