A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my story starts 2 years ago. I met this guy who was a bit youger than me, let's call him X, we became friends and then we started dating (sorry for my english, i'm not from america). Everything was perfect for about 1 year, we shared a lot of great thing together (we were both virgins) but after that, things became a bit more complicated. One time we went to a party, he got drunk, and kissed another girl, while i was in the same room. I actully forgave him because of his pleading, and swearing that he didn't remember, and that he didn't do it on purpose. From that moment i didn't trust him like i did before, and so began all the fighting. After our second year he broke up with me, leaving me with no explanation, just an "i think you are lying to me about something, we should stay friends". For a long time i was a wreck, and we live in the same neighbourhood, and we saw each other every day. I saw him hitting on other girls, he treated me sometimes bad, but i always helped him when he needed it, i even gave him a loan. After 6 months, on new year's, we met at the same party. I saw X kissing a girl there, so i kissed a guy. After some time i found out that this guy is my bestfriend's crush (bestfriend since 1st grade), they have slept together, and she has been bragging about him for about a year, but i haven't met him. I felt a bit awful, but i was also glad because i made X jealous. The next day he came to my door telling me that he wanted us to makeup, so i accepted. The first 3 months were nice, but i couldn't stop thinking about the guy from the party, he called me, we chatted. On the other hand with X began the fighting all over again, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's very bad (he calls me names, etc). Last night, i bumped into the guy from new year's, and he walked me home, and we kissed. He told me that he wanted to be with me, he knew about my bestfriend, about my boyfriend, and that he will wait for me if that is what i wanted. And now i do not know what to do. i love X but i hate the way he treats me, and i love my bestfriend, and i know she still likes him, and i care about her, and i know she will never speak with me if she found out i was with him, and i don't want to lose her. I really like this guy and i can see he likes me. So what do you suggest?
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female
reader, JaneSmith2012  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Hey forgive me and ignore my message if i've said something wrong or offensive ...ok .. so both you and X seem equally confused by this on and off relationship .. He's gone a bit far by screaming at you and calling you names ..Ill treating you during your break up period despite your financial assistance etc...Further both of you seem to be uncertain about dating others indicated by the fact that you kissed another guy purely to make X jealous and X reciprocated the next daySo first why dont you start with asking yourself if you truly like X to be in a full time relationship with him .. Further have a frank talk with X too asking whether he can be fully committed in this relationship and respect you as you should rightly be ..If you are convinced then preferably give him a chance .. or if you feel that fights that you are having with him and turbulence that you faced during your breakup period are tiring you out you can probably end this relationship with him after talking through ...But either ways its preferable to stay away from this other chap (your best friends bf) whom you kissed at the new year's party .. For one thing he might have gotten carried away by your kiss .. Secondly its possible that you are finding him more appealing because of X's erratic temper which can tire anyone easily ...Thirdly he's in an intimate relationship with your best friend... Do you think this boy is actually worth your friendship with her ??Iam sure you can see that being in her shoes at this moment is as painful as seeing Mr.X hitting on other girls during your breakup period (My apologies once again if i sound hurtful .. Iam saying this for your own good as a well wisher ,so that you can avoid going thru more emotional pain)...You have written that this chap knows everything about what's going on between you and X .. Possible that at this juncture realisng that you are vulnerable he might end up playing with your feelings before moving on to someone else ...Also dating this chap will lead to another love triangle between you , him and your best friend ...are you ready for this ??Lastly , if you do descide to break up then its' better to remain single for sometime before you embark on a new relationship ..Give yourself some space and time to come out of this confusion ... Good luck and all the best :)
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