A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I know that your think I am a fool after reading this and I know I am, at 32 I shouldn’t have wasted my life, I now have nothing, but I really need advice. Please. I am so sorry it is so long. Ok, so met guy, fall for each other and he had wife and I knew he was a bad seed, but you can’t help who you love hey (I so wish I could) anyway, had affair he said I was his soulmate and would leave wife etc etc. I was also homeless a few times due to housing issues but he never helped, despite having a flat.. anyway.. I just wanted to be in a normal relationship with him and to meet my friends and family and for me to meet his, but he never, I never did. Then I kept pressuring him, to be with him, eventually one day year and half later he walked out one morning after our first major row together that previous evening, he gets up, kissed me goodbye and said speak to me soon, I never heard from him.He sent me an email to say that sorry loves me and does want to be with me and I am his soulmate and his sorry it is so mucked up. Then I replied saying I love you too and it is ok, we can be ok. But I didn’t hear back. Then I was at our mutual best friend’s house a month later crying my heart out and I went through this mutual friends phone and found messages from a girl saying I love you so much I do and you know I can’t wait to move in with you. Lots of messages like this and I asked my friend why he had these on the phone, he made up some excuse about a new girl he met, but I knew it didn’t make sense, something wasn’t right. Yes you guessed it was to do with the man and it turns out was his new girlfriend, met her at a work conference is Spain and he loves her very much and he only met her after me, but yes his left the wife and now with her living with her in his flat he has. He was currently in Cornwall meeting all her family and was close to her mum and sister.. and she got on well with his family. Which killed me even more as I never did that stuff with him and he wouldn’t with me. So I was heartbroken and I met someone else but never got over this man as I always believed I would be with him. A year later after he vanished I was out with mutual friends and he was there and we talked and he said he has never stopped loving me, misses me and thinks of me every day and his genuinely sorry for what he has done and I said what, not talking to me for a year he was shocked that been that long and he cried and said he wants to settle down now and it’s me he has always wanted to do it with me and have kids and wants me to be mother of his children, we kissed and then we started seeing each other again. He was/is still with the girl but not at all happy, he actually tells everyone he hates her. So we had been meeting up, talking, sleeping together, hanging out with mutual friends, I even met his best friends eventually. We agreed that he would come to Glasgow with me, I have gotten in to a course there to do masters and am leaving London in summer to start course in September and he said he would come with because his given up his job and gone to Uni in London, so he could get a transfer. Then a month ago we met, had nice evening, then had a bit of a row over things and then went to bed when we woke up he was weird I knew it and was cold, we went home and went our separate ways and I sent him an email the following day saying I just need to know if this is 100 percent then, I know you said it, but you are coming Glasgow and stuff like that, I never heard from him. I also lent him money that night. Nothing from him, a 3rd Christmas came and went without him seeing me or speaking to me. As for our mutual friends they too have stopped speaking to me. Which hurts even more as I knew them before him. I emailed him and called about the money that he said give back on a certain date, as the date came and went. Nothing. Then few days he contacted me via email to say his totally forgot about the money, send account details and he hopes I am good. Cold, simple and short message, no explanation, no love, nothing.I mailed back with details, saying I guess you have someone else now as you do when vanish and do not want to be with me etc etc and if you don’t answer then I take its true. Next day money was back in account. So he must have read emails. But not replied to me. That is it and I know that by giving me the money back he wants to cut all ties with me and I think that it is now forever. So I just want to stop caring and thinking of him and defo do not want to chase him, not email him or call him as he won’t answer me and I am going to get some help, going from some Hypnotherapy that looks at self esteem and to get him out of my system then go to Glasgow in summer and start new life. Just can’t help but feel so down, I am 32 and have nothing, all my friends are getting married, having babies and settling with their partners. I live in a flat share in a shity job with no money and I am sacred I won’t’ ever met someone I like and settle down, that he was the one chance and it’s goneSilly isn’t it. Thank you xxx
View related questions:
affair, best friend, christmas, heartbroken, I love you, money, move on, self esteem, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 "going from some Hypnotherapy."
And the silly goes on.
Things won't change until you realize how wrong you are with "but you can’t help who you love" is. While it may be true, you CAN help who you date.
Oh well, shit happens, either you learn from it or at 42 you will be posting much the same thing.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 Your story isnt silly, sad but not silly. He wasnt your one chance, he was married, he dumped you, he met somebody else, he did the boyfriend thing with that person, it broke up, he re met you, he led you on again, he dumped you again, he borrowed money, he disappeared, he probably found somebody else
this story will only be silly if you bump into him and fall for his palaver again.
I hate to sound like a mother, but its what I am, but here goes, shitty jobs dont last forever unless you let them.
Shitty living conditions dont last forever unless you let them. Get yourself a budget happening, start saving, google everyday cheapskapes, there are budgeting tools and tips on the website, make a plan, start improving your chances of a better job, start looking for a better job, start saving to get out of the shared flat, as soon as you start achieving the above you will feel better about yourself, and as soon as you start feeling better about yourself it will show in your mannerisms and body language and you will start to attract people to you who are more positive etc. Find a hobby, do a course, you might not meet the love of your life there but his sister might be at the book club or his maiden aunt and the pottery classes
Dont give up, just hold the belief that life will get better in your heart and mind and it will come.
good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 He wasn't "the one chance!" I know you feel that way now, but with time you will get over him. Your affair with him has been a rollercoaster ride; you deserve much more out of life.
Focus on improving your life! Start with little things to pamper yourself. Take care of you, and when you least expect it, you will meet someone who is available and who loves you the way you deserve to be loved!
Good Luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 January 2010):
He was not your chance. He was the nightmare every Dad on on earth hopes their daughter won't fall for. Unfortunately, you did. A married man cheating very rarely leaves his wife for the mistress. And this is the case here. He promised you all that, and it was all a lie because in the end he used you. He isn't your soulmate, he's just used you. Now this is your wake up call. You have wasted time on this man, but now you've seen the light, you can make steps to take control again. Your esteem is the priority. A woman with low esteem is a magnet to all the creeps out there because they know they can use you. Focus on that first. Then focus on your career. If you don[t like your job, start again with another job that you want to do. Then move on again to hobbies, interests and meeting new people. Then when you're in a good place, you'll find the right guy. Take everything one step at a time, rather than looking at all the emotions and problems you have. You will get there. You just need to take control of you life again an take everything a step at a time. And no more married men either.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): You are like a moth to a flame. The fact that he was seeing you while married should have told you something about his personality. It was your choice to put your life on hold for him and it is your choice if you move on or not. You will find someone great out there but you cant all the time you are still fixed on this loser. I hope the hypnotherapy works and you are able to see that you are worth so much more. All the best
...............................
|
