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anonymous
writes: I have two men in my life. One has a live-in lover but he claims he loves me. The other says he loves me too!?? I am confused.How do I measure their love for me?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): its not how much they love you its what you feel for them.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): Seeetheart stop being confused. Follow your heart with both men. There is no law that says you can't love two men. It may be you love the traits in each and they are different. I wouldn't measure them by how they treat other women, but how they treat you. Consider yourself very lucky that two men have found you so desirable. At some point in time your heart and mind will tell you which one is best for you if you need to decide. For now enjoy what you have because you have much more then most.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2006): Why can't the man with the live-in lover not love you too? Love is not a single quantity that can only be given out once -- it's not like an arm or leg or even a heart that you can only give once and once you have given it, it is gone. It's like a kiss -- something you can give over and over. Kisses that can grow stronger and more passionate the more kissing you do!
That being said, I think Rebecca asked a good question... how do *you* feel about each of the men? Do you love either of them? Both of them?
More importantly, what are you looking for in your life from your relationships? Do these men fullfil that? If not, can they and what would it take for them to do so?
If you are looking for a companion who can be with you X percent of the time (given that you have other commitments and interests like work, friends, etc. so X is likely not 100%), can either men fullfil that? Can both fullfil that by being with you part of that time?
How do their feelings play into your relationships with them? How do each of them feel about the other man? How do their other partners feel about you? (There are more than just the three of you involved here.)
If you love both of these men and both of them love you, then can you make both relationships work together? After all, you probably have more than one friend (in the platonic sense) in your life, and those relationships work even mixed in together. Loving more than one person shouldn't have to be any different. It's all a matter of expectations, needs and desires, balanced out with emotional intelligence, aptitude, and skills.
---Lawrence
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 January 2005):
 How do you feel about them? I think that is most important. Do you feel more for one than the other? It must be very confusing for you and do they know about each other??!The one that has a live-in lover sounds extremely untrustworthy! Does his girl-friend know how he feels about you? I think he needs to seriously consider his options too.I think you need to measure how you feel more than anything else. The fact that you have two men in your life indicates that you may not be honestly happy with either. Perhaps one has traits that the other doesn't have.Maybe you need to be on your own to decide exactly what it is you are looking for in a man. All you are really doing at the moment is playing games with yourself and others. Give yourself and them a break and take time out.
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