A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now, and believe me when I say that he is the sweetest and kindest guy that I have ever met. And I love him so much. The problem is, that he sees us together getting married, and having kids, which is fine, except that I feel that I haven't experienced anything that i have wanted to. I have only had one other boyriend in my life, and can't help but wonder what it might be like to have a fling. To make matters worse, there's a guy that I am incredibly attracted to, and just don't know why. I have maintained my distance, but I can't help but thjink of him. There's no emotional attachment, it's purely physical, almost primitive and I feel so guilty that I am not attracted to my wonderful, doting boyfriend like that. It's frustrating, I don't know what to do, and I find myself feeling suffocated and unsatisfied. I've tried to break up, but things got so bad that I could never imagine hurting him like that again.I have never thought that I would be the one to cheat, I've always been so against it, so how do I make myself attracted to my boyfriend? I know I sound selfish because most women would kill for a guy like mine, but I really need help, and I'm trying to make this work, without hurting my partner, so any opinion is welcome... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Did the new guy make you feel that way, or were you never attracted to your boyfriend? Many women would just go for security and money and think that with love they can forgo the sexual attraction and chemistry. Very wrong. It's better to be single than be trapped in a marriage with both parties frustrated. If your husband is open minded, talk it over with him. Can you hold it in and not succumb to your temptation? If you can take a risk and can afford to lose him, you should play the field, have more experience and have your overly romantic moment with whomever. If the thought of losing him is scary to you, there goes your answer and you should stick with him. That new guy would only be interested when you are still attached. That forbidden fruit, that aliveness is what people look for. When you decide to break up with your boyfriend that guy would instantly lose attraction to you. You don't need the immense guilt to make you feel like your boyfriend is the right one for you, make you feel like you messed up and would never do it again. Is your boyfriend good in bed and would he be open to learn skills to be a better lover? Is true that people grow and become more confident, but first impression sticks forever. The first moment you see a person your body already decides fate with the other person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): What you're feeling is completely normal, not good, but normal. I don't think you're afraid of the commitment because you say more than once that he is a wonderful guy. I think you need to sit down with you're guy and let him know how you're feeling. Not about wanting to be with another guy, because you wouldn't feel attracted if you were completely satisfied with your man. Maybe there's something the two of you or your boyfriend can do to make thinks better, do things that you like, avoid talk about marriage.It's completely normal to feel afraid of the future and commitment but if he's as amazing as you say he is then he's all you should be thinking about.Get your priorities straight and talk to him!Goodluck
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